On December 17, Susanne and I had a telephone consultation with Julie Walker, a medical intuitive in Chicago (Susanne’s third conversation with her and my second over the last year or so). Some of the things she indicated were:
o What we are doing is working and, surprisingly, the chemotherapy drug I am using appears to be a “perfect” match for my constitution and blood.
o I should slow down, watch my fatigue level, rest when called for, and don’t deplete my natural resources. Fatigue is actually a very positive message to my body and will help my immune system responses and strengthen my will to heal and live.
o The l-Glutamine and vitamin B-6 are the appropriate treatments for the neuropathy symptoms, and it will take time for my damaged nerves to heal.
o I could benefit from more antioxidants and green vegetables.
o I have work to do internally on accepting my worthiness to heal and live and affirming my purposes in life.
o Susanne and I can consider this journey as training for a sacred mission to help others.
From December 20 to 27 we were in Florida. The oncologist had agreed to delay the start of the next phase of treatment to allow this trip to happen.
The beginning of the week was in Orlando at the annual Baha'i Social and Economic Development Conference. We were invited to present 2 workshop sessions. One was entitled “Facilitating Marriage Education as an Individual in Your Community”. The other was entitled “Empowering Institutions to Build Strong Marriages”. The descriptions of these sessions can be found here. We had about 40 attendees at each session. I also performed my Three Tools of Healing presentation for about 30 people, which I really enjoyed doing. We intentionally did not go to the afternoon sessions and just relaxed at the pool, spent time with friends, and napped. However, the evening sessions were filled with uplifting musical presentations, which we did participate in with joy.
The second half of the week was in Ft. Lauderdale where we stayed with Susanne’s daughter, Jennifer and her husband Frank. They drove to Orlando to pick us up so that we didn’t have to rent a car and drive to their home. We celebrated Christmas with Frank’s family, which was fun. Christmas eve was a multi-course seafood dinner with the extended family, and Christmas day was opening piles of presents with the immediate family. Susanne and I also relaxed at the pool at Jennifer and Frank’s complex and spent an afternoon at Ft. Lauderdale beach. It felt wonderful to soak up the sun and enjoy the warmer temperatures.
The day after we returned from Florida we had an appointment with the oncologist to finish preparing for the initiation of the next phase of the treatment. This will be 5 days in a row out of a 28-day period of a higher dose of the same chemotherapy drug I took during the first phase of treatment (oral capsules of Temodar). A blood test showed that my white blood cells are recovering and that my platelet count is in good shape. However, my red blood cell (count, hematocrit, and hemoglobin) have continued to decline since the end of the first phase of treatment. Although the red blood cells are below the normal range, they are not into the anemic range so the doctor is not concerned about initiating the next phase of treatment on Monday, December 31. The red blood cells numbers being low would explain why I am continuing to feel fatigued, so we will continue to work on getting them back up. We have slacked off some on our exercising regime and some of the high-iron foods…so back to eating more green stuff! The doctor also indicated that, with the treatment regimen I am getting that many people have more physical problems with the first phase, which I completed in November with limited problems, than with the second phase that is upcoming.
We also met with the neurosurgeon’s nurse because I have been having some odd feelings around the incision. Turns out that some of the sutures, from the August surgery, were still in place. They were able to remove most of them but there are still some small pieces left, which we will keep watching. They saw no indication of infection or any other problems.
Although the neuropathy seems to be getting less, it’s still there. My understanding is that nerves take a long time to heal…so this will take some patience on my part.
We have cut back on taking pre-marriage/marriage coaching clients through the months of diagnosis, surgery, and treatment. With greater stability in my recovery, we decided to try coaching again. So, on the 29th, we began working with a couple who is exploring marrying one another. It felt great to be back making a difference in this way.
So…on to the next phase of treatment!! Keep in mind that the MRI scans continue to show no visible tumor but the doctors indicate that microscopic stuff could still be in there and will grow if untreated.
2 comments:
Hang in there, Craig and Susanne.
Love, Judy
The rest of the story…
I struggled through this whole period with a stress-induced autoimmune attack. It always starts with my thyroid and then moves…this time attacking my eyes, sinuses, ears, and throat. I’ve really tried to manage my stress level throughout this cancer journey, but I just bottomed out. We recently read a novel about someone with healing powers and her pouring her “life force” into her husband to help him heal. But, over time, she became too depleted to fully function and help others. The message was a little too close to home. So, I’m back working on some self-healing and detachment…which is part of my spiritual journey in all this. [People sometimes wonder what I mean by detachment. See the bottom for my current working definition.]
Julie Walker’s assessment of me was that my adrenal glands were “flat as a pancake”. A sure sign of stress overload. She recommended more time alone in prayer for both of us, an increase in one of my supplements, and some organic kidney if I could find it (cannot!). She also indicated that the uterine polyp I had removed in November was likely caused by excessive worry. She challenged both of us to share and dissolve “subterranean worry” and find healthy ways of expressing it instead… Our focus is to be on being a “healthy twoness” with us both thinking in the affirmative about our lives and future. The quotation I’m now using as my banner in this effort is, “Verily the most necessary thing is contentment under all circumstances; by this one is preserved from morbid conditions and from lassitude. Yield not to grief and sorrow: they cause the greatest misery.” [Baha’u’llah]
We arrived at Orlando exhausted but happy to be there. The workshops went well, even if not delivered with our usual energy. One was focused on helping individuals and couples see ways to incorporate relationship and marriage education into their lives and the other was our first delivered to institutions…exploring how we could help them work with couples. If anyone wants pdf copies of the detailed handouts, you can email me at Susanne@marriagetransformation.com.
It was so good to then spend relaxing days with Jennifer and Frank and see how well they are doing in their young marriage, as well as spend time with Frank’s family. I feel very blessed to have a loving and close relationship with them. The days of sunshine felt so wonderful (hard to come back to Cleveland’s cloudy grey days and snow!) I got up early the morning after arrival and used the peaceful time in their home to go back through my conference notes and write down my goals for the Marriage Transformation Project for 2008. Whenever we do workshops and interact with people, the needs hit us strongly and my ideas for meeting them grow exponentially! Then there’s a matter of finding the time and energy to get them all done!
It was great to work in partnership with Craig in meeting with the pre-marriage couple. I feel very blessed to have him able to do it (and me too!). One of the stresses of these months has been the questioning about how this illness will affect our work in support of marriage transformation. It is a constant path of trusting that God has a greater plan for us and traveling the path as it appears. Our own marriage is certainly shifting and strengthening and changing. For me, part of the work is maintaining balance in showing concern and watching out for Craig’s health while allowing him to be in charge of it. Part of the work for him is helping me reduce my stress level. We tend to respond to help each other. That’s been more difficult in recent weeks as we have both been depleted.
We are in another one of those circumstances with Craig’s medical team where we see that there is a problem (some swelling on his head), but there just are not quite enough symptoms for anyone to see. So, we are waiting, watching, and reporting as things change.
Detachment is stepping back to gain a different perspective on what is happening, while letting go of one’s feelings, attachments, and need to be in control.
I practice Detachment effectively when I:
• Empathize with others without making their feelings my own
• Think rationally and clearly; responding according to the known facts without personal bias, strong emotions, or preconceived expectations
• Gather information, seek input from others, and examine the facts related to a project, situation, or person
• Accept not being someplace or with someone that I love
• Let go of overly strong fears of losing something or someone based on previous experiences
• Understand and accept a partner’s or other person’s limitations; let go of unreasonable expectations
• Give away or dispose of unnecessary items in my home or workplace
I need to strengthen Detachment when I:
• React emotionally, rather than pausing to determine the facts of the matter
• Attach myself emotionally to someone or something so strongly that I abandon my own good judgment
• Depend excessively upon others in ways that negatively affect others’ well-being or my own
• Hold onto objects and paperwork even when they interfere with effective functioning
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