I had done an extensive notification matrix, so we all began making the calls and sending the emails to let people know what had happened. With the funeral scheduled to happen in only about 36 hours so that burial was completed promptly (encouraged for Baha’is since we don’t embalm and because of the July 4th holiday), our pre-planning was a huge benefit.
Michelle (Craig's eldest daughter) and I only needed to have a brief meeting with the funeral home to finalize arrangements. The facility was on standby and then ready to go (the funeral home wasn’t large enough, so we had to rent a hall in the community). We already had the program created, so it just needed quick editing. Friend Janet Lyon was the logistics coordinator and already had an extensive team of people lined up to do refreshments and facility setup. I had the memorabilia for display collected and organized. We knew where to copy the handout of the program and which two people there knew how to fold and staple it properly. Craig had chosen all the participants, so we just needed to confirm their availability and willingness. All of us responsible for doing tributes as part of the program had already completed preparing them. There were enough last-minute things that came up to keep us busy in the middle of our exhaustion, that we were very grateful for Craig’s and my foresight in planning ahead.
A few posts ago, I mentioned a quotation that included the concept of things lining up in the hours of waiting. By the time Craig passed, almost everyone that he had designated to do primary tasks was available to participate…something that had not been true in the days and weeks prior to July 1-2. Nor would it have been the case by July 3-4.
It is a Bahá’í practice to have a ceremonial body washing and preparation for burial done by close friends and family, and we did this for Craig in the evening. After the morning experience of seeing his body leaving, I had very mixed feelings as I headed to the funeral home. The men who agreed to help me were Nik Tressler, Rick Eastburn, John Cunningham, and Ban Twaddell. Of the five of us, only Rick had done this before! But, everyone turned out to be wonderful companions for Craig and I in this process. I had read some general instructions and gathered the appropriate materials months before, but this was a very new experience. We prayed before entering the room and prayed before we began. I played some of Craig’s favorite music on a CD player. It was possible for me to participate in the washing, but I chose not to. The guys carefully and respectfully washed him head to toe. The funeral home had already shaved him, but the guys also shampooed his hair, and I dried it. Over recent weeks, his hair grew longer and very curly, and I cut a lock of his hair to keep in a pouch that our friend Cindy Hall sewed for me for that purpose.
After the washing and drying, I placed a gold ring on Craig’s right ring finger that was engraved with: “I came forth from God and return unto Him, detached from all save Him, holding fast to His name, the Merciful, the Compassionate.” (Photo at: http://www.bahairesources.com/products.php?id=3140 ) Rick took attar of roses (rose oil) that he has carried to various holy places in the world and sprinkled some on Craig’s body. We then needed to shroud his body, which is essentially wrapping it in cloth. I could use silk or cotton and chose cotton, which seemed more a match for Craig. I chose to use royal purple king-size sheets that matched the amethysts in our wedding rings. Cindy had taken the pillowcases and cut and sewed them into ties that we used to then wrap around Craig to secure the shroud and Craig’s arms crossed over his chest in place. Craig wanted to be buried with his prayerbook that contained petals from the Shrine of Bahá’u’lláh and a few other special items, so we tucked it inside the shroud. I pinned my “I Love My Husband” button to secure the flap of cloth on his shoulder. Rick sprinkled more rose oil on the shroud. We ended with a further prayer followed by song with me holding my hands on both sides of Craig’s shrouded head. I had invited Nik to lead us in song, but he was too emotional to do so. I then led us all in singing a Bahá’í prayer: “God Sufficeth”. At the end of singing, Ban began to laugh, and explained that often over the years Craig’s friends (usually tenors) got into difficulties singing when they asked Craig (a bass) to lead the singing. They had the opposite problem with me leading! Good thing I’m alto and not soprano!
I left the funeral home feeling so much more peaceful and happy than I had in the morning. Our friend Melodie Yates spent the night with me (the kids all moved over to be together at Dave’s home). She assured me that I didn’t need to automatically wake to check on Craig but to delegate “caregiving” duties to her. I was able to sleep 7 straight hours…what a blessing.
Love,
Susanne
1 comment:
Yes, thank you for sharing this process; it was just lovely. And about the sleeping? The night after Richard passed was the first time I had slept soundly through the night in more than 15 years! At this date nearly 20 years later, the peaceful slumber is what I remember best about that time shortly after his passing.
Hugs.
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