Why am I writing this blog?

Euclid (Cleveland), Ohio, United States
Here I share the amazing spiritual journey I began on July 19, 2007. I received the diagnosis of a golf-ball-sized tumor on top of the left parietal lobe (motor functions) of my brain. I had severe symptoms all up and down the right side of my body and had received an MRI scan of my brain. In August 2007, I learned that my diagnosis was a Glioblastoma Multiforme (GBM). This is a common form of fast-growing brain cancer with a challenging prognosis. That's the external story about that moment in time. In the spiritual world I found (actually more like it found me) what I came to call the Fact-Based Spirit-Guided Path, and I began an amazing journey. After October of 2008, I lost the use of my right arm, and in early 2009, my cognitive abilities were struggling, and treatment options ended. My wife, Susanne, then began doing most of the blog postings, with my review and input whenever possible. I continued to apply the Fact-Based Spirit-Guided Path as the adventure continued. My soul then flew to the Kingdom of God on July 1, 2009. Thanks for your interest in my journey. Craig

Susanne's Perspective

During this entire journey, my wife, Susanne, had an entirely different kind of experience. Initially she added comments to some of my posts describing her experience of the moments I discussed and offerred perspectives on our relationship. In the latter stage of this journey, she is writing the blog, as I am no longer able to do so. I am truly delighted that she is doing so. Susanne and I work together as marriage educators/relationship coaches and she has written many books on preparing for and strengthening marriages so you can count on her comments to be insightful and poignant.

Sunday, July 5, 2009

Preparation Day – July 1, 2009

Our friend and hospice art therapist, Barbara Trauger-Querry, arrived shortly after Craig passed. She helped guide the funeral home personnel and us through how to respectfully have Craig leave our home, and she supported us in our choice to watch him carried out. She had them leave his face uncovered so we could still see him. It was very emotionally wrenching to watch him physically leave our home for the last time.

I had done an extensive notification matrix, so we all began making the calls and sending the emails to let people know what had happened. With the funeral scheduled to happen in only about 36 hours so that burial was completed promptly (encouraged for Baha’is since we don’t embalm and because of the July 4th holiday), our pre-planning was a huge benefit.

Michelle (Craig's eldest daughter) and I only needed to have a brief meeting with the funeral home to finalize arrangements. The facility was on standby and then ready to go (the funeral home wasn’t large enough, so we had to rent a hall in the community). We already had the program created, so it just needed quick editing. Friend Janet Lyon was the logistics coordinator and already had an extensive team of people lined up to do refreshments and facility setup. I had the memorabilia for display collected and organized. We knew where to copy the handout of the program and which two people there knew how to fold and staple it properly. Craig had chosen all the participants, so we just needed to confirm their availability and willingness. All of us responsible for doing tributes as part of the program had already completed preparing them. There were enough last-minute things that came up to keep us busy in the middle of our exhaustion, that we were very grateful for Craig’s and my foresight in planning ahead.

A few posts ago, I mentioned a quotation that included the concept of things lining up in the hours of waiting. By the time Craig passed, almost everyone that he had designated to do primary tasks was available to participate…something that had not been true in the days and weeks prior to July 1-2. Nor would it have been the case by July 3-4.

It is a Bahá’í practice to have a ceremonial body washing and preparation for burial done by close friends and family, and we did this for Craig in the evening. After the morning experience of seeing his body leaving, I had very mixed feelings as I headed to the funeral home. The men who agreed to help me were Nik Tressler, Rick Eastburn, John Cunningham, and Ban Twaddell. Of the five of us, only Rick had done this before! But, everyone turned out to be wonderful companions for Craig and I in this process. I had read some general instructions and gathered the appropriate materials months before, but this was a very new experience. We prayed before entering the room and prayed before we began. I played some of Craig’s favorite music on a CD player. It was possible for me to participate in the washing, but I chose not to. The guys carefully and respectfully washed him head to toe. The funeral home had already shaved him, but the guys also shampooed his hair, and I dried it. Over recent weeks, his hair grew longer and very curly, and I cut a lock of his hair to keep in a pouch that our friend Cindy Hall sewed for me for that purpose.

After the washing and drying, I placed a gold ring on Craig’s right ring finger that was engraved with: “I came forth from God and return unto Him, detached from all save Him, holding fast to His name, the Merciful, the Compassionate.” (Photo at: http://www.bahairesources.com/products.php?id=3140 ) Rick took attar of roses (rose oil) that he has carried to various holy places in the world and sprinkled some on Craig’s body. We then needed to shroud his body, which is essentially wrapping it in cloth. I could use silk or cotton and chose cotton, which seemed more a match for Craig. I chose to use royal purple king-size sheets that matched the amethysts in our wedding rings. Cindy had taken the pillowcases and cut and sewed them into ties that we used to then wrap around Craig to secure the shroud and Craig’s arms crossed over his chest in place. Craig wanted to be buried with his prayerbook that contained petals from the Shrine of Bahá’u’lláh and a few other special items, so we tucked it inside the shroud. I pinned my “I Love My Husband” button to secure the flap of cloth on his shoulder. Rick sprinkled more rose oil on the shroud. We ended with a further prayer followed by song with me holding my hands on both sides of Craig’s shrouded head. I had invited Nik to lead us in song, but he was too emotional to do so. I then led us all in singing a Bahá’í prayer: “God Sufficeth”. At the end of singing, Ban began to laugh, and explained that often over the years Craig’s friends (usually tenors) got into difficulties singing when they asked Craig (a bass) to lead the singing. They had the opposite problem with me leading! Good thing I’m alto and not soprano!

I left the funeral home feeling so much more peaceful and happy than I had in the morning. Our friend Melodie Yates spent the night with me (the kids all moved over to be together at Dave’s home). She assured me that I didn’t need to automatically wake to check on Craig but to delegate “caregiving” duties to her. I was able to sleep 7 straight hours…what a blessing.

Love,

Susanne

1 comment:

Cheryll said...

Yes, thank you for sharing this process; it was just lovely. And about the sleeping? The night after Richard passed was the first time I had slept soundly through the night in more than 15 years! At this date nearly 20 years later, the peaceful slumber is what I remember best about that time shortly after his passing.
Hugs.