Why am I writing this blog?

Euclid (Cleveland), Ohio, United States
Here I share the amazing spiritual journey I began on July 19, 2007. I received the diagnosis of a golf-ball-sized tumor on top of the left parietal lobe (motor functions) of my brain. I had severe symptoms all up and down the right side of my body and had received an MRI scan of my brain. In August 2007, I learned that my diagnosis was a Glioblastoma Multiforme (GBM). This is a common form of fast-growing brain cancer with a challenging prognosis. That's the external story about that moment in time. In the spiritual world I found (actually more like it found me) what I came to call the Fact-Based Spirit-Guided Path, and I began an amazing journey. After October of 2008, I lost the use of my right arm, and in early 2009, my cognitive abilities were struggling, and treatment options ended. My wife, Susanne, then began doing most of the blog postings, with my review and input whenever possible. I continued to apply the Fact-Based Spirit-Guided Path as the adventure continued. My soul then flew to the Kingdom of God on July 1, 2009. Thanks for your interest in my journey. Craig

Susanne's Perspective

During this entire journey, my wife, Susanne, had an entirely different kind of experience. Initially she added comments to some of my posts describing her experience of the moments I discussed and offerred perspectives on our relationship. In the latter stage of this journey, she is writing the blog, as I am no longer able to do so. I am truly delighted that she is doing so. Susanne and I work together as marriage educators/relationship coaches and she has written many books on preparing for and strengthening marriages so you can count on her comments to be insightful and poignant.

Monday, April 14, 2008

Chemo Restart and Further Challenges: April 7 to 14

 The Chemotherapy was finally restarted Monday April 7, after a two-month hold due to the infection that was operated on at the end of January.

 My body was depleted from two weeks of a cough and cold, so I immediately had nausea challenges. So, even though I didn’t need it before, I used anti-nausea medication with each chemo dose this time.

 My energy level was strong enough that I worked my normal half day on Monday, Tuesday, and Wednesday. I was really dragging by Thursday so only went into the office for a couple of hours. On Friday and Saturday, I spent most of the day in bed. By Sunday, my energy was recovering and was pretty good on Monday.

 Unfortunately a further episode with infection on my healed incision cropped up over the weekend. We consulted with the Neurosurgical residentwho was on call. We expressed a high degree of reluctance to come into the ER, given the just completed round of chemo and my depleted immune system. He agreed, provided us with maintenance instructions, and indicated that we should contact the Neurosurgeon first thing Monday morning.

 When we contacted the Neurosurgeon, he immediately made time in his schedule for us. He examined the wound and expressed concern that the infection might be in the bone since it keeps coming back. He took a culture of it and bloodwork. I’ve been referred to an infectious disease specialist (that’s what they call the folks that administer the antibiotics at this hospital), and we'll see him on Friday morning. The Neurosurgeon indicated that further surgery may be indicated, too.

Prayers would be welcome for outcome of the testing and remedying the infection.

4 comments:

Anonymous said...

The rest of the story…

We continue to find the monthly Spirituality Support Group at the Gathering Place nourishing. This one focused on stones as a place to store memories, thoughts, and emotions and ways to detach from difficult emotions. My stone is now in my jacket pocket, so I held onto it during walks this week and reconnected to the group and spirit. There’s something about having an object to fiddle with that helps the relaxation response kick in…

One of my quests has been to find movies that make Craig laugh, not an easy task. I checked out of the Gathering Place library a video of I Love Lucy TV shows from the 1950’s. It worked, we both laughed at Lucy’s antics. Humor is healthy .

We didn’t make it to the movie night at the Gathering Place…the chemo just made Craig too tired. We are still doing occasional date nights (this was to be one), but our frequency and consistency has definitely faltered. Sometimes I miss the Friday night routine of at least going out for dinner. Another one of those little losses…

When I looked at Craig’s head late Friday afternoon my stomach just sank. Weird expression, but appropriate. At that point there was just a little “pimple”, but the mess it made overnight on the pillow made it clear we were back dealing with a problem again. I’m grateful the resident didn’t insist we spend all day Saturday at the ER. We agree that after chemo, being in the middle of all those germs and sick people wasn’t wise for Craig. However, he did make me promise to come to the hospital if it got worse.

I knew we were looking at trouble when the surgeon rearranged his schedule on a Monday to see us, too. He’s always adamant about only seeing patients on Wednesdays. Weeks of antibiotics, likely via IV with me administering them, is familiar territory and not attractive. It’s very restrictive on life and liberty. The thought of another surgery for Craig with bone removal involved is making my stomach sink further though. I’m trying to remind myself that fact-finding is still in progress. And surgery is not for certain. And, I can feel the anxiety kicking up a bit.

What keeps being difficult for both of us is the constrictions and restrictions on time and activity. We are so used to being of service, being active and involved in everything. The “interference” with this is hard to accept, although that’s exactly what we need to do. I make plans and they keep being changed. I make plans never knowing if they will have to be canceled. It’s getting hard to make commitments. I’m always doing plan A, plan B, and plan C. Do I sound like I’m sharing or whining? I really dislike listening to people who whine!

I’ve had the blessing for the last week of reading a number of books about happiness because I’m working on writing a book that references them as sources. One of the key messages in one of them (What Happy People Know by Dan Baker) was that it is neurologically impossible to feel fear and appreciation both at the same time. Going into gratitude mode, lessens the fear. So, here’s my appreciation list for tonight:

- Daffodils are my favorite flower and they are blooming
- We have healthy and nourishing food to eat at every meal
- Bellruth Naparstek makes wonderful visualization CD’s that lower my stress level
- We have many resource people for healing work
- I have won two Toastmasters evaluation contests in recent weeks and have the trophies to show for them
- I can still serve others
- My daughter is happily married and we talk regularly
- We have many supportive friends
- I can still talk to Craig and he is giving me regular hugs

Shahnaz said...

Hello you beautiful people!
I just got back from an Assembly meeting and thought I'd check my mail....I love you guys! Just wanting to let you know the Louavillians are thinking of you. Hey, guess what? I got a car--It's not ten years old!! The heater works!! Life is good.
Judy

Susan said...

Craig and Suzanne,
You know that both of you are surrounded by prayer. I can certainly relate to the thought that your "service" is being interrupted. During my own illness, I have begun to see service in a broader sense. Our service (which belongs to God, not to us -- Book 7) changes as our lives go in uncharted directions. Your devotion to healing, on all levels, along with your honest and open sharing of your journeys is a great aid and service to many of us. Your service is spiritually nourishing others, whether you are aware of it or not. Thank you.

Anne said...

Hi Susanne and Craig,
I checked the book "What Happy People Know" out of the library based on Susanne's comment. It's great, I love it! I'm about 80% through. I read a lot of self-help books (!) and for some reason this particular one was something I needed to hear at the time. Thanks for the idea!
My best to you both always,
Wishing for healing and happiness,
Anne