The Chemotherapy was finally restarted Monday April 7, after a two-month hold due to the infection that was operated on at the end of January.
My body was depleted from two weeks of a cough and cold, so I immediately had nausea challenges. So, even though I didn’t need it before, I used anti-nausea medication with each chemo dose this time.
My energy level was strong enough that I worked my normal half day on Monday, Tuesday, and Wednesday. I was really dragging by Thursday so only went into the office for a couple of hours. On Friday and Saturday, I spent most of the day in bed. By Sunday, my energy was recovering and was pretty good on Monday.
Unfortunately a further episode with infection on my healed incision cropped up over the weekend. We consulted with the Neurosurgical residentwho was on call. We expressed a high degree of reluctance to come into the ER, given the just completed round of chemo and my depleted immune system. He agreed, provided us with maintenance instructions, and indicated that we should contact the Neurosurgeon first thing Monday morning.
When we contacted the Neurosurgeon, he immediately made time in his schedule for us. He examined the wound and expressed concern that the infection might be in the bone since it keeps coming back. He took a culture of it and bloodwork. I’ve been referred to an infectious disease specialist (that’s what they call the folks that administer the antibiotics at this hospital), and we'll see him on Friday morning. The Neurosurgeon indicated that further surgery may be indicated, too.
Prayers would be welcome for outcome of the testing and remedying the infection.
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The rest of the story…
We continue to find the monthly Spirituality Support Group at the Gathering Place nourishing. This one focused on stones as a place to store memories, thoughts, and emotions and ways to detach from difficult emotions. My stone is now in my jacket pocket, so I held onto it during walks this week and reconnected to the group and spirit. There’s something about having an object to fiddle with that helps the relaxation response kick in…
One of my quests has been to find movies that make Craig laugh, not an easy task. I checked out of the Gathering Place library a video of I Love Lucy TV shows from the 1950’s. It worked, we both laughed at Lucy’s antics. Humor is healthy .
We didn’t make it to the movie night at the Gathering Place…the chemo just made Craig too tired. We are still doing occasional date nights (this was to be one), but our frequency and consistency has definitely faltered. Sometimes I miss the Friday night routine of at least going out for dinner. Another one of those little losses…
When I looked at Craig’s head late Friday afternoon my stomach just sank. Weird expression, but appropriate. At that point there was just a little “pimple”, but the mess it made overnight on the pillow made it clear we were back dealing with a problem again. I’m grateful the resident didn’t insist we spend all day Saturday at the ER. We agree that after chemo, being in the middle of all those germs and sick people wasn’t wise for Craig. However, he did make me promise to come to the hospital if it got worse.
I knew we were looking at trouble when the surgeon rearranged his schedule on a Monday to see us, too. He’s always adamant about only seeing patients on Wednesdays. Weeks of antibiotics, likely via IV with me administering them, is familiar territory and not attractive. It’s very restrictive on life and liberty. The thought of another surgery for Craig with bone removal involved is making my stomach sink further though. I’m trying to remind myself that fact-finding is still in progress. And surgery is not for certain. And, I can feel the anxiety kicking up a bit.
What keeps being difficult for both of us is the constrictions and restrictions on time and activity. We are so used to being of service, being active and involved in everything. The “interference” with this is hard to accept, although that’s exactly what we need to do. I make plans and they keep being changed. I make plans never knowing if they will have to be canceled. It’s getting hard to make commitments. I’m always doing plan A, plan B, and plan C. Do I sound like I’m sharing or whining? I really dislike listening to people who whine!
I’ve had the blessing for the last week of reading a number of books about happiness because I’m working on writing a book that references them as sources. One of the key messages in one of them (What Happy People Know by Dan Baker) was that it is neurologically impossible to feel fear and appreciation both at the same time. Going into gratitude mode, lessens the fear. So, here’s my appreciation list for tonight:
- Daffodils are my favorite flower and they are blooming
- We have healthy and nourishing food to eat at every meal
- Bellruth Naparstek makes wonderful visualization CD’s that lower my stress level
- We have many resource people for healing work
- I have won two Toastmasters evaluation contests in recent weeks and have the trophies to show for them
- I can still serve others
- My daughter is happily married and we talk regularly
- We have many supportive friends
- I can still talk to Craig and he is giving me regular hugs
Hello you beautiful people!
I just got back from an Assembly meeting and thought I'd check my mail....I love you guys! Just wanting to let you know the Louavillians are thinking of you. Hey, guess what? I got a car--It's not ten years old!! The heater works!! Life is good.
Judy
Craig and Suzanne,
You know that both of you are surrounded by prayer. I can certainly relate to the thought that your "service" is being interrupted. During my own illness, I have begun to see service in a broader sense. Our service (which belongs to God, not to us -- Book 7) changes as our lives go in uncharted directions. Your devotion to healing, on all levels, along with your honest and open sharing of your journeys is a great aid and service to many of us. Your service is spiritually nourishing others, whether you are aware of it or not. Thank you.
Hi Susanne and Craig,
I checked the book "What Happy People Know" out of the library based on Susanne's comment. It's great, I love it! I'm about 80% through. I read a lot of self-help books (!) and for some reason this particular one was something I needed to hear at the time. Thanks for the idea!
My best to you both always,
Wishing for healing and happiness,
Anne
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