Why am I writing this blog?

Euclid (Cleveland), Ohio, United States
Here I share the amazing spiritual journey I began on July 19, 2007. I received the diagnosis of a golf-ball-sized tumor on top of the left parietal lobe (motor functions) of my brain. I had severe symptoms all up and down the right side of my body and had received an MRI scan of my brain. In August 2007, I learned that my diagnosis was a Glioblastoma Multiforme (GBM). This is a common form of fast-growing brain cancer with a challenging prognosis. That's the external story about that moment in time. In the spiritual world I found (actually more like it found me) what I came to call the Fact-Based Spirit-Guided Path, and I began an amazing journey. After October of 2008, I lost the use of my right arm, and in early 2009, my cognitive abilities were struggling, and treatment options ended. My wife, Susanne, then began doing most of the blog postings, with my review and input whenever possible. I continued to apply the Fact-Based Spirit-Guided Path as the adventure continued. My soul then flew to the Kingdom of God on July 1, 2009. Thanks for your interest in my journey. Craig

Susanne's Perspective

During this entire journey, my wife, Susanne, had an entirely different kind of experience. Initially she added comments to some of my posts describing her experience of the moments I discussed and offerred perspectives on our relationship. In the latter stage of this journey, she is writing the blog, as I am no longer able to do so. I am truly delighted that she is doing so. Susanne and I work together as marriage educators/relationship coaches and she has written many books on preparing for and strengthening marriages so you can count on her comments to be insightful and poignant.

Tuesday, July 7, 2009

Graveside Service – Lake View Cemetery – July 3, 2009

The morning of the service, I awoke to the sound of rain at 6 a.m. The forecast was for sunshine, so we had not ordered a tent covering at the graveside! I sent up a quick prayer for the storm to wander off, and at the time of the service, the skies were just overcast but not raining, thankfully.

Craig and I had not particularly planned the graveside service other than choosing Dustin Dornbrook to read the Bahá’í Prayer for the Dead. When it became clear that there would be close relatives unable to attend the funeral and only be at the graveside service, I delegated planning of the service to Michelle and Leah. They asked people to sing and play music, which was beautiful. There were additional prayers/comments offered spontaneously as well. A number of friends were also able to be there who had missed the service the night before.

I had a few moments of private farewell at the casket at the end. We all chose to leave before the burial…enough images in my head without that one added as well. You can see photos of beautiful and historic Lake View Cemetery at this link: www.lakeviewcemetery.com.

The video recording of the graveside service is attached at the end of the one of the funeral service, if you wish to watch it. Go to www.dejohnfuneral.com and click on Craig Farnsworth’s name. The video is under the Memories link.

As far as I’m currently aware, this posting is the completing one for Craig’s blog. It’s been a blessing to be in touch with so many people globally through this medium. Your prayers and spiritual/emotional support have meant so much to us. Watch in the future for our book on empowered ways to journey with cancer. Please keep me and our children in your thoughts and prayers as we go forward.

Love,

Susanne (susanne@marriagetransformation.com)

Monday, July 6, 2009

Honoring/Funeral Service Day, July 2, 2009

In the morning, Holly’s daughter Renee drove me to the cemetery to arrange for Craig’s burial on Friday. We just had to go to the office, not the family plot, so few emotional triggers – more like a business transaction.

A team of people began doing setup at 3:30 p.m. at the Slovenian Society Home where we had rented a hall for Craig’s Honoring Service. He didn’t like the word “funeral”, even when I pointed out that the word “fun” was in it! Since our focus was on honoring him as a person and his service accomplishments, “Honoring Service” was what we chose to call it. I was so grateful to have trustworthy friends and family doing those tasks so I could relax and not arrive until time for things to begin at 5:30 p.m. Craig, I, and the kids had decided not to do a formal receiving line. However, there was often a line that formed near me when I stood still! It was wonderful to greet so many dear friends.

Knowing that I would not be able to write effectively about Craig at the time of the end, I began writing my tribute to him months ago, read a draft to Craig then, and then edited it every now and then since. Members of our Toastmasters group greeted me before the funeral (they had canceled the meeting that night to be there), and I admitted that I hadn’t practiced my “speech” out loud or memorized it. They assured me no one would be evaluating my grammar or delivery that evening! Here is a link to the document of what I said: www.claricomm.com/SpouseTributetoCraig.pdf

Craig’s three children did a tribute to their Dad – with eloquence from the heart and many tears. We went through the family photos months ago, and they put together a wonderful slide show to display to everyone after they shared. (You can see it on the video – see details below.)

Craig’s best friend Nik Tressler had been working on his tribute to Craig for months as well. He had the opportunity to read it to Craig on one of his many visits to our home. I really acknowledge Nik for being open with his love for and grief about Craig. He arrived at the lectern with a roll of paper towels in hand for his tears! You can read Nik’s tribute to Craig at this link: www.claricomm.com/FriendTributetoCraig.pdf

At the end of the service, the pallbearers carried Craig out. Unexpectedly, the funeral director invited me to accompany them down the aisle – yet another difficult “good-bye”. I wrote a note to myself the following morning: “How many times and in how many ways will I have to say good-bye to him?”

The funeral home is testing a new service of taping and webcasting funeral services. Since this option is new for them, they offered to do Craig’s for no charge, and Michelle and I instantly agreed. With close family and many friends unable to attend due to pregnancy, short notice, and it being a holiday week, we were grateful to offer this and thereby include more people in viewing it and reaching “closure” with Craig’s passing. There is a link on the funeral home’s webpage - www.dejohnfuneral.com - to information about Craig and his honoring service and graveside service that will be available for quite a while. For only the next 90 days, however, you can watch a video of the funeral/honoring service and graveside service. Craig Farnsworth’s name is listed on the home page, and you link to all information from there. The written program is at the View Obituary/Notice link and the video of the service is at the Memories link. Please advise the funeral home or their video service if you have any technical difficulties (in other words, not me!)

The service began at 7 p.m. and was followed by refreshments, so it was around 11 p.m. by the time Holly and I got home. Michelle and Leah dropped off memorabilia and other things by midnight. So, Holly and I got into bed by 1 a.m. A very late night! But a blessed service for all of us.

Love,

Susanne p.s. Bless my computer support folks who have been teaching me how to do multiple complex maneuvers on the road that are allowing me to do this stuff from Mom's in Canada! Yay!

Sunday, July 5, 2009

Preparation Day – July 1, 2009

Our friend and hospice art therapist, Barbara Trauger-Querry, arrived shortly after Craig passed. She helped guide the funeral home personnel and us through how to respectfully have Craig leave our home, and she supported us in our choice to watch him carried out. She had them leave his face uncovered so we could still see him. It was very emotionally wrenching to watch him physically leave our home for the last time.

I had done an extensive notification matrix, so we all began making the calls and sending the emails to let people know what had happened. With the funeral scheduled to happen in only about 36 hours so that burial was completed promptly (encouraged for Baha’is since we don’t embalm and because of the July 4th holiday), our pre-planning was a huge benefit.

Michelle (Craig's eldest daughter) and I only needed to have a brief meeting with the funeral home to finalize arrangements. The facility was on standby and then ready to go (the funeral home wasn’t large enough, so we had to rent a hall in the community). We already had the program created, so it just needed quick editing. Friend Janet Lyon was the logistics coordinator and already had an extensive team of people lined up to do refreshments and facility setup. I had the memorabilia for display collected and organized. We knew where to copy the handout of the program and which two people there knew how to fold and staple it properly. Craig had chosen all the participants, so we just needed to confirm their availability and willingness. All of us responsible for doing tributes as part of the program had already completed preparing them. There were enough last-minute things that came up to keep us busy in the middle of our exhaustion, that we were very grateful for Craig’s and my foresight in planning ahead.

A few posts ago, I mentioned a quotation that included the concept of things lining up in the hours of waiting. By the time Craig passed, almost everyone that he had designated to do primary tasks was available to participate…something that had not been true in the days and weeks prior to July 1-2. Nor would it have been the case by July 3-4.

It is a Bahá’í practice to have a ceremonial body washing and preparation for burial done by close friends and family, and we did this for Craig in the evening. After the morning experience of seeing his body leaving, I had very mixed feelings as I headed to the funeral home. The men who agreed to help me were Nik Tressler, Rick Eastburn, John Cunningham, and Ban Twaddell. Of the five of us, only Rick had done this before! But, everyone turned out to be wonderful companions for Craig and I in this process. I had read some general instructions and gathered the appropriate materials months before, but this was a very new experience. We prayed before entering the room and prayed before we began. I played some of Craig’s favorite music on a CD player. It was possible for me to participate in the washing, but I chose not to. The guys carefully and respectfully washed him head to toe. The funeral home had already shaved him, but the guys also shampooed his hair, and I dried it. Over recent weeks, his hair grew longer and very curly, and I cut a lock of his hair to keep in a pouch that our friend Cindy Hall sewed for me for that purpose.

After the washing and drying, I placed a gold ring on Craig’s right ring finger that was engraved with: “I came forth from God and return unto Him, detached from all save Him, holding fast to His name, the Merciful, the Compassionate.” (Photo at: http://www.bahairesources.com/products.php?id=3140 ) Rick took attar of roses (rose oil) that he has carried to various holy places in the world and sprinkled some on Craig’s body. We then needed to shroud his body, which is essentially wrapping it in cloth. I could use silk or cotton and chose cotton, which seemed more a match for Craig. I chose to use royal purple king-size sheets that matched the amethysts in our wedding rings. Cindy had taken the pillowcases and cut and sewed them into ties that we used to then wrap around Craig to secure the shroud and Craig’s arms crossed over his chest in place. Craig wanted to be buried with his prayerbook that contained petals from the Shrine of Bahá’u’lláh and a few other special items, so we tucked it inside the shroud. I pinned my “I Love My Husband” button to secure the flap of cloth on his shoulder. Rick sprinkled more rose oil on the shroud. We ended with a further prayer followed by song with me holding my hands on both sides of Craig’s shrouded head. I had invited Nik to lead us in song, but he was too emotional to do so. I then led us all in singing a Bahá’í prayer: “God Sufficeth”. At the end of singing, Ban began to laugh, and explained that often over the years Craig’s friends (usually tenors) got into difficulties singing when they asked Craig (a bass) to lead the singing. They had the opposite problem with me leading! Good thing I’m alto and not soprano!

I left the funeral home feeling so much more peaceful and happy than I had in the morning. Our friend Melodie Yates spent the night with me (the kids all moved over to be together at Dave’s home). She assured me that I didn’t need to automatically wake to check on Craig but to delegate “caregiving” duties to her. I was able to sleep 7 straight hours…what a blessing.

Love,

Susanne

The Final Stretch – June 30-July 1, 2009

Since it’s now July 5th, I’m looking back and the details are already blending and fading, but I want to share some about the final hours of Craig’s life here on this plane of existence.

We had occasional times of men visiting Craig and being with him for periods of time during the day or evening, including Craig’s son Dave. However, at night it was women accompanying Craig. We referred to ourselves as midwives (Michelle, Leah, Holly, and I) and it felt very much as if we were creating Craig’s room as a warm, loving, caring space for him. We stroked his head, massaged his feet, held his hand, put cold cloths on his forehead, adjusted his covers and pillows, and saw to his comfort as much as possible.

As you know, we stopped giving Craig morphine on Monday evening. He stayed essentially pain free in his head from then on. However, on Tuesday evening various issues began to arise. He seemed to be having more active seizures/tremors happening that caused him to be reaching for his face and head and potentially hurting himself. His legs and hips were more restless. We had Tammy, one of the on-call hospice nurses come to the house to help us assess how to ensure Craig was safe and as comfortable as possible for the night.

Tammy helped us pad all around Craig with towels, sheets, and blankets. We put a thick comforter on the floor in case he had a seizure bad enough to fall out of bed. We put a sock on his hand to protect him from scratching his eyes. She gave us normal saline to gently put in his eyes, as dehydration had left them dry. She gave us swabs for his lips and mouth to soak in his favorite liquid (Mandarin Orange Spice tea). We then met as a team to discuss how to handle the nighttime issues that could arise, how to recognize signs of death, and what to do when he passed. We then felt more confident and empowered by having specific tasks to do.

As Tammy was finishing up, we received a telephone call from Debbie Boyd-Tressler, who had been intuitively communicating with Craig. As you know, we had backed way off from interacting with Craig the previous night – little touch, very quiet, and so on, even though his eyes were often open. We were concerned about interfering with his process of letting go of this world. Debbie shared with us that there was nothing we could do that would interfere with his process, that he was filled with joy, and that whatever would make us happy was great for him. So, we touched him, played music, sang, prayed, and interacted with him all night! What a joy!

Once Craig had fluid in his eyes, he stopped reaching for them. We figured out that his hand was reaching for his head because his hair hadn’t been washed since Sunday morning and his head was itchy, so Michelle used the no-rinse shampoo and got his head clean and “scratched”. He then calmed down and quit reaching for his head. His auto-adjusting air mattress had been deflated since the power outage, and sciatic pain was reoccurring (he hadn’t wanted the mattress turned back on). Once we got it restarted and pain ointments rubbed into his back and hip, the leg and hip restlessness stopped. The major seizures we expected at the end did not happen, and all our ministrations calmed his whole body down. It was an amazing experience in effectively reading and responding to his body language!

I had a long stretch of hours with Craig by myself. As his breathing began to change around 4 a.m., I woke up Holly and then the girls and we spent a couple of hours with him praying and playing music. We put on the CD of Craig’s music and sang along with it. Kim Klein, our primary hospice nurse came in before her shift at around 5:30 a.m. and checked him. She had to leave at 7:30 a.m. for a staff meeting and told us that it would still likely be a few hours. So, the girls and I went to bed for a bit and left Holly at his bedside.

Around 8:30/8:40 a.m. Craig’s sister called and woke me, so I checked on him and was assured he still was “stable” and not yet exhibiting the end-of-life signs and so went back to bed. Within minutes, I was called to immediately come to Craig’s room. Instead of a gradual stopping of breathing, his heart and breathing seemed to simply stop, and we noted his passing around 9 a.m. We also noted how appropriate it was that he died on July 1st, Canada’s independence day, since I was born and raised there! We then spent about 30 minutes praying and saying our goodbyes. We called the funeral home and Kim to come. Craig’s son Dave headed over to the house to have his time to say goodbye. He had been in to visit each day but left the night shifts to us. He arrived expressing how happy he was that his Dad was now free.

Love,

Susanne

Wednesday, July 1, 2009

Craig Has Passed - July 1, 2009

This is Leah, Craig's youngest daughter, writing on behalf of Susanne. As of 9am this morning, July 1, 2009 Craig's soul was finally free from his body. He was not in pain and the whole experience was very peaceful and of course musical and prayerful by those of us at his side (Susanne, Michelle, Holly Timberlake, and me). Susanne will be writing a more thorough depiction of the experience when time permits. I am writing to pass on the funeral details.

Dear Friends:

The following are the arrangements for the honoring (funeral) service for Craig Farnsworth:

Date: Thursday, July 2, 2009

Visiting times with family:

Before service: 5:30 – 7:00 pm

After service: 8:30 – 9:30 pm

Time Service Begins: 7:00 PM

Place/Address:

Slovenian Society Home

20713 Recher Avenue

Euclid, OH 44119

Directions:

I-90 to E. 200th Street, going north. Turn east (right) off E. 200th St. immediately after Discount Drug Mart onto Lindbergh/Recher. The street dead-ends at the parking lot for the Home. There is not a clear sign for the building until you enter the parking lot.

Special Notes:

Chairs will be set aside at the front for family and readers. Light refreshments and visiting with family will follow. Please contact Janet Lyon at (216) 691-9540 if you would be able to arrive early (4:00 pm) to help with set-up.

You can visit the funeral home’s website at www.dejohnfuneral.com after 7:00 pm tonight for further information, to leave a message, etc.

Graveside prayer and burial and will occur the following day July 3, 2009 at:

Lakeview Cemetery

12316 Euclid Avenue

Cleveland, OH 44106-4393

Please gather at the Euclid Gate at 10:00 am for procession to burial location. (Cemetery plot is at the corner of Foothill Road and Ravine Road - Section 42) (Maps available at the funeral)

Donations are preferable vs. flowers and can be made to:

Baha’is (only) may donate in honor of Craig Farnsworth to:

Baha’i National Fund

Baha’i National Treasurers Office

1233 Central Street

Evanston, IL 60201

www.bahai.us

All may donate in honor of Craig Farnsworth to his and Susanne’s cancer support center

The Gathering Place

23300 Commerce Park

Beachwood, OH 44122

Online donations: www.touchedbycancer.org

Donations can also be made for research through the:

National Brain Tumor Society

East Coast Office

124 Watertown Street, Suite 2D

Watertown, MA 02472

www.braintumor.org/fdonate/

If you would like to send flowers, the funeral home would prefer that flowers be delivered to the funeral site – the Slovenian Home -- rather than to the funeral home. Ask the florist to deliver after 10:00 am on Thursday July 2nd only. Do not send flowers on Friday.

Slovenian Society Home

20713 Recher Avenue

Euclid, OH 44119