Why am I writing this blog?

Euclid (Cleveland), Ohio, United States
Here I share the amazing spiritual journey I began on July 19, 2007. I received the diagnosis of a golf-ball-sized tumor on top of the left parietal lobe (motor functions) of my brain. I had severe symptoms all up and down the right side of my body and had received an MRI scan of my brain. In August 2007, I learned that my diagnosis was a Glioblastoma Multiforme (GBM). This is a common form of fast-growing brain cancer with a challenging prognosis. That's the external story about that moment in time. In the spiritual world I found (actually more like it found me) what I came to call the Fact-Based Spirit-Guided Path, and I began an amazing journey. After October of 2008, I lost the use of my right arm, and in early 2009, my cognitive abilities were struggling, and treatment options ended. My wife, Susanne, then began doing most of the blog postings, with my review and input whenever possible. I continued to apply the Fact-Based Spirit-Guided Path as the adventure continued. My soul then flew to the Kingdom of God on July 1, 2009. Thanks for your interest in my journey. Craig

Susanne's Perspective

During this entire journey, my wife, Susanne, had an entirely different kind of experience. Initially she added comments to some of my posts describing her experience of the moments I discussed and offerred perspectives on our relationship. In the latter stage of this journey, she is writing the blog, as I am no longer able to do so. I am truly delighted that she is doing so. Susanne and I work together as marriage educators/relationship coaches and she has written many books on preparing for and strengthening marriages so you can count on her comments to be insightful and poignant.

Tuesday, May 12, 2009

Crying Myself to Sleep, May 12, 2009

I cried myself to sleep last night. Grieving losses…feeling some lower moments…

We realized yesterday that the cane had become a superfluous item that we just kept moving out of the way. Craig’s not walking anymore. We can still transfer him between bed-wheelchair-commode-car by grabbing the safety (gait) belt around his waist – although even that is getting more difficult as his legs weaken.

Craig’s frustration level yesterday was very, very high (he was literally tearing his hair out!). He is thinking better than he can talk, and trying to make himself understood is getting more difficult by the day. Visitors often don’t realize just how limited his ability is because he has always been a good listener and they fill up the space with their words. Even my ability to interpret on his behalf is struggling.

We attended a visitation yesterday for John Schaefer, a member of Craig’s support group with prostate/bone cancer who died on Saturday. His wife Bonnie is in my support group. I’m glad we went…and it’s hard when I look through the eyes of wondering about Craig’s service.

I’m back in the middle of dealing with an ongoing legal issue with my business. It’s so hard to think strategically through challenges right now…I’m glad I have good help. But it’s a hassle I just wish wasn’t there!

“We carry around in our heads these pictures of what our lives are supposed to look like, painted by the brush of our intentions. It’s the great, deep secret of humanity that in the end none of our lives look the way we thought they would. As much as we wish to believe otherwise, most of life is a reaction to circumstances.” Paul Richard Evans, “The Sunflower”, p. 355

But, today is another day. The sun is shining. Craig is painting out his frustrations. And, we go on…

Love,

Susanne

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1 comment:

RLB said...

Hi Suzanne,
I realized as I was doing some work for Rabbani Char. Trust that I hadn't checked in on your blog for a while.... Thank you for your updates yesterday and today. Please know that I am with you and Craig in spirit and in prayer. I'm sorry you're having a low time -- as we know, everything goes in cycles. Maybe the visitation for your friend was hard on both of you. But your (and Craig's) experience so far has been inspirational and I hope that gives you a good feeling.
Regards,
Roya Bauman

May 12, 2009 at 11:08 AM

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