On Friday, September 28 we:
1. Had a visit from the Visiting Nurse who changed the dressing on my PICC Line, which has been used for the last month to administer antibiotics. We had hoped that the PICC line was going to be removed but that will happen next week.
2. Met my great-aunt, Jean Taber, for a delightful lunch at the Cleveland Museum of Natural History. She is a long-time patron of the museum.
3. Had a final preparatory visit to the radiation oncology department at the hospital.
4. Visited the family physician to get a pneumonia shot. The doctors are focused on ensuring that I don’t become sick from non-cancer illnesses as the radiation and chemo affect my immune system. The oncologist has also prescribed an antibiotic that I’m to take daily for the next 15 months.
5. Watched the delightful movie, “The Last Mimzy”. Although on the surface this looks like a children’s movie it is really more than that and quite delightful. One of the co-stars, Rainn Wilson, is a member of the Bahá’í Faith.
On Saturday, September 29 Nik Tressler and I had breakfast together and took care of a number of errands I needed to do. Other than that, the day was wide open for Susanne and I to attend to whatever we chose to do…nice to have an open day! We spent a brief time sharing our fears about what is about to happen, but mostly focused on powerfully going forward. One of the milestones from the last few days is the encouragement from the physical therapists to begin walking without my foot/leg brace. We did our first neighborhood walk that way, and I’m happy to report that the numbness in my foot is receding!
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The rest of the story…
It was good to participate in the spirituality group. We keep trying out different kinds of support activities with mixed feelings about them all so far. This one at least allowed space to connect God and healing together. I suspect there will be times when we are best off in separate groups for support, but at times it is also good to be together. We are facing this together. However, one good insight that came for me during the group was that I have been so connected to Craig’s journey that I’ve been saying things like, “**We** have radiation beginning on Monday.” So, good reminder that I’m supposed to be strengthening the quality of “detachment” as part of this journey! We speak to people of marriage being an emotional, mental, physical, and spiritual joining. So, it’s a question for me…how much of his experience is only his and how much is ours?
One phrase used at the group was “new normal”. The “normal” for us in recent weeks has been to structure our lives around the twice daily IV antibiotic infusions. The “new normal” for us will now be structured around 42 days of radiation and chemotherapy. Then there will be another “new normal” to adjust to. In part, I think it’s wording that simply gives the illusion that there are periods without constant change!
We had a brief upset over the bills and getting annoyed/angry at each other. However, the bills were just a surface excuse. We are neither of us prone to anger or angry interactions. I wonder if that’s bad or good. We both admitted that what we were really angry about was that Craig has to have chemo and radiation. Somehow it’s easier to be angry at having to quickly run the bank to pay a bill on time. But then there is never really any real expression of the anger and fear about what is about to happen. Is that wise? I go back and forth with resisting what is happening and accepting that this is God’s will for our lives right now. I’ve grown very accustomed to Craig the way he is. How will he be different at the end of this experience? How will we respond? I know, one day at a time…
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