Why am I writing this blog?

Euclid (Cleveland), Ohio, United States
Here I share the amazing spiritual journey I began on July 19, 2007. I received the diagnosis of a golf-ball-sized tumor on top of the left parietal lobe (motor functions) of my brain. I had severe symptoms all up and down the right side of my body and had received an MRI scan of my brain. In August 2007, I learned that my diagnosis was a Glioblastoma Multiforme (GBM). This is a common form of fast-growing brain cancer with a challenging prognosis. That's the external story about that moment in time. In the spiritual world I found (actually more like it found me) what I came to call the Fact-Based Spirit-Guided Path, and I began an amazing journey. After October of 2008, I lost the use of my right arm, and in early 2009, my cognitive abilities were struggling, and treatment options ended. My wife, Susanne, then began doing most of the blog postings, with my review and input whenever possible. I continued to apply the Fact-Based Spirit-Guided Path as the adventure continued. My soul then flew to the Kingdom of God on July 1, 2009. Thanks for your interest in my journey. Craig

Susanne's Perspective

During this entire journey, my wife, Susanne, had an entirely different kind of experience. Initially she added comments to some of my posts describing her experience of the moments I discussed and offerred perspectives on our relationship. In the latter stage of this journey, she is writing the blog, as I am no longer able to do so. I am truly delighted that she is doing so. Susanne and I work together as marriage educators/relationship coaches and she has written many books on preparing for and strengthening marriages so you can count on her comments to be insightful and poignant.

Sunday, June 7, 2009

The Sacredness of Accompanying Craig – June 6, 2009

Each day brings new opportunities for attuning to what Craig is feeling and trying to communicate. He is grieving leaving this world. In particular, this week he has been sad about the relative shortness of our marriage (almost 10 years). And at the same time, he’s sad that the dying process is taking so long!

I reminded Craig yesterday and today about our Bahá’í wedding vow, “We will all, verily, abide by the Will of God.” In fact, we sang it together today (as we did at our wedding) so I would be clear that he heard it. I have asked him to “go with the flow” and not try to agitate for or force his ending here to go at any other pace but what God wills.

My Dad sent me an email this week that included the phrase “in intimate touch with the dying process”. That became the subject of my artwork yesterday with the hospice art therapist. I feel so privileged to be accompanying Craig in this process. The love in his room is palpable. Craig’s artwork yesterday was all about locks and keys. We think he’s searching for a way to unlock the door to the Kingdom of Heaven.

Today Craig has been accompanied by his daughter Michelle, who just arrived for the weekend. For the first time in their lives, they painted together this afternoon. Of Craig’s two paintings, one he described as including many angels gathered together singing. The other was of traveling from a wide place through a narrowing passageway and out to an open “plaza” at the other end. He said he was in the middle, but wants to be at the end.

We got an email yesterday from our dear friend Holly. She said, “every breath is an opportunity for awareness of breathing in the Holy...” So we breathe in and out each day and experience the sacred. She stopped by this evening and brought us dinner, so we breathed together!

The hospice nurse yesterday said Craig has lost more lung capacity since Wednesday, but his heart rate was back to normal. The steroid levels continue to drop. All else seems stable at the moment.

Love,

Susanne

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

This is so very beautiful, Susanne! You are a wonderful, loving friend and wife!! Craig is so blessed to have you by his side.

Love,

Sylvia