Saturday August 25 and Sunday August 26

My daughter Michelle and her husband Hooman and 3-year-old daughter Karida arrived late Friday night for the weekend. We spent the weekend mostly relaxing, talking with them, and playing with Karida. Although they have visited often, this visit seemed to have an underlying layer of concern about David and I. It was a wonderful and appreciated visit. Michelle and I spoke about the potential for getting genetic cancer counseling for her and Leah.

For Saturday lunch we went to Chagrin Falls to have lunch with my great-aunt, Jean Taber, and also visited with Ruth Twaddell. In preparing for dinner, Karida and I had a wonderful time peeling corn for dinner.

On Sunday my son David, Christina, and Aidan came over for awhile. Lots of kid talk and playing and a photo of the two grandchildren with their parents.

Throughout the weekend, I was trying to be very conscious of Susanne’s comment from the day before that I “was still going faster (movement and speech sometimes) than before the surgery.” I did see examples of this am making a commitment to myself that I will work to be much more clear and deliberate in my movements and speech. That’s where I really want to be.

8-29 Craig Update from Susanne

The operating room finally opened up after an all-day wait and fasting and they slipped Craig in at about 9 p.m. last evening (Tuesday). He got into the recovery room at close to midnight, where he remembered that it was still our anniversary! The doctor reports that the infection was just surface and not into the bone, thank God. [FYI, part of the reason that the infection and surgery were necessary was that I had been using hydrogen peroxide on the incision to kill germs. Apparently now it's becoming known that this application should only happen briefly with a wound, and that repeated use actually causes free radicals and interferes with healing. Who knew?! So...believe me I'm struggling with some feelings of responsibility in all this, too. But, I'm sharing so that others are aware of the potential dangers of this common household liquid.] Craig was in a lot of pain today, had some fever, and was not quite ready to be discharged. So, we'll try again tomorrow. They have inserted an IV port in his vein that he'll come home with. A nurse will then teach me to administer his IV antibiotics at home over the next week. I dropped out of nursing school decades ago because everything makes me queasy. I keep stepping out of the room every time they prick his finger for blood sugar tests. Maybe you could pray for my strength in the middle of all this medical world too?! Exhaustion has been dogging me this week...I hope to catch up a bit on sleep tonight. Much love, Susanne

Craig Re-Hospitalized

With Craig's permission, I'm posting this directly to his blog. He was re-hospitalized today (8-27) at University Hospital Cleveland. The antibiotics were not adequately fighting the infection in his incision. They anticipate reopening the incision on 8-28 to address the issue. We had certainly hoped to celebrate our 8th wedding anniversary (8-28) at someplace other than the hospital, but that's life! Thank you for your ongoing prayers. Craig plans to catch up with posts soon! Loving greetings, Susanne

Friday August 24

Started the day with the additional rehab therapy session that had been scheduled to attempt to complete the work on the right foot prior to the initiation of radiation. The therapist made it clear that, while the front shin muscle is the most obvious problem, there is weakness in my entire right leg. It was a good intense session with further instruction in exercises to be doing at home.

I went from rehab to the Yates’ home in Cleveland Heights, where a 4-day Bahá’í project to encourage the neighborhood to pray for its children and celebrate their return to school is underway. It was very inspiring working through some new materials and practicing skills in preparation for this community outreach to the neighborhood. The card that people will be offered and encouraged to use says:

“O Thou kind Lord! These lovely children are the handiwork of the fingers of Thy might and the wondrous signs of Thy greatness. O God! Protect these children, graciously assist them to be educated and enable them to render service to the world of humanity.”

Sacred Writings of the Bahá’í Faith

I stayed until 2:30 when Susanne picked me up for an appointment with Dr. Cummins, our GP.

Dr. Cummins gave me a checkup and looked at the scalp incision. He was somewhat concerned with the increasing infection and my mild fever, so he instructed me to increase the number of times I’m taking the antibiotic and took a culture sample that we delivered to the hospital for analysis.

Susanne and I decided to have a date night and went out to dinner. We talked about how we were feeling and the future. She asked me if there was anything that I felt impelled to be doing and I told her that, regardless of the outcome of what we had in front of us, my priorities would continue to be strengthening my relationship with her and our children and teaching the Bahá’í Faith. We did decide, however, that one of the long-time dreams we want to fulfill soon is a hot air balloon ride. (When we got home we found a card from my coworkers. They had taken up a collection, and the amount of money will come close to covering the cost for it.) I indicated that I was under no misconception that the coming treatments would necessarily be as easy to get through as the surgery turned out to be…it is very likely that I will experience symptoms such as severe fatigue or nausea, but I’m not getting overly concerned about that. I promised Susanne that if I was feeling sad or depressed or any other negative emotions that I would share them with her and not just deny them. One of the concerns she’s expressed about the fact-based spirit-guided path is that, from her perspective, it appears to be an avoidance of any emotions besides happiness.

When we got home, a couple of small events occurred that created friction between us. In each case Susanne saw that I was moving quickly and impulsively and told me so. In frustration I indicated that I was tired of being told to slow down because I felt that I had. In further discussion, Susanne patiently pointed out that, while I had slowed down from how I was on the steroids, I was still going faster (movement and speech sometimes) than before the surgery. This was a real shock to me…I very much want to be much more clear and deliberate in my new self and will be looking at this carefully over the coming days.

Thursday August 23

Had rehab therapy session today and explained to the therapist that I’d gotten my pathology report yesterday. The doctor has indicated that I will be heading into radiation treatment soon and that it was important for the work of restoring the neural link to the front shin muscle be complete before the radiation starts…otherwise the restoration may not be possible. The therapist agreed to do all that she could and increased my number of weekly visits from 2 to 3. We had a good intensive session, and I came home with further exercises to do. I had been very intentionally not wearing the brace when I’m around the house and have come up with a way to walk stably, even up and down stairs. The therapist liked the sound of that and encouraged me to keep at it. I had arranged for a shuttle bus, run by the hospital, to pick me up and bring me home in order to reduce the chauffeuring load on Susanne. Unfortunately the pick-up didn’t work out today so Susanne took me over. The return worked fine.

We went to Toastmasters tonight and I served as Table Topics Master. This means that I was responsible for formulating and presenting the questions for impromptu 1 to 2 minute talks. The topic was “Work and Service”. I offered a context from the Bahá’í writings “Work done in the spirit of service is the highest form of worship”. The session went exceptionally well and I had a great time with it.

Pathology Report

We just received the pathology report from the doctor, and it shows that what was surgically removed on July 27 from my brain was a Grade 4 Glioblastoma Multiforme (cancerous tumor) with some cells remaining behind. They further confirmed that what they removed came out in a single solid mass (Gross Total Resection), which is unusual, but good news. Tumors are graded from 1 (best) to 4 (most aggressive). This means that aggressive radiation/chemo treatment is recommended, and I will receive further information when I meet with an oncologist. I certainly wish that the outcome was otherwise but I am fully confident that I will overcome this and get on with my life. I have a very positive attitude and am in excellent shape mentally, emotionally, physically, and spiritually.

A significant part of the delay in getting this report was that they chose to send out a sample to another laboratory for further testing and a second opinion…they were being extra thorough. Also, there will be a short delay in getting the treatment underway because the incision is not quite healed as well as it should be, and there is some surface infection that just showed up last night. I will be on some antibiotics for the next week and see the doctor again next Wednesday, August 29, when hopefully treatment can proceed.

I am well aware that there is a large body of information available on various types of cancer and cancer treatment options. I’d like to make it very clear that my own personal understanding is that this information is primarily of 3 types:

1. Well-researched conventional medicine
2. Well-researched alternative medicine and healing methods covering both treatment options and means of maintaining personal wellbeing and the strength of the body’s immune system while undergoing the conventional medicine option
3. Anecdotally-supported (for example, this worked for someone…) alternative approaches that, to me, border on pseudo-science (no research basis demonstrating effectiveness)

I obviously will have full recommendations for the first type of information from the surgeon and oncologist but would value other perspectives. I would be most interested in receiving any of the second type of information that applies to my diagnosis. I have no interest in trying to sort through any of the third type to find a grain of truth, so please do not send this type of information to me.

Thank you for your prayers and loving support for me and for my family and friends as we respond to this challenge.

Tuesday August 21

Susanne and I had been waiting until the steroid intake was down to zero in order to have some deep consultation about some of the issues that have come up for her/us around my experience. We recently learned a new listening skill from Hedy Schleiffer that powerfully engages what she calls the relational space that exists between a couple and has the listener come into the speaker’s world in order to fully listen, engage, and learn. We decided to use this technique, and it worked very well. Significant progress was made on a number of issues that I will keep private.

I was talking with Jef McDonough, who is a very accomplished musician, over breakfast Sunday about my desire to get a better grounding in music theory to enhance both my guitar and flute playing. He offered to come by today to provide me with a lesson. We had an excellent session and ended up doing some jazz duets (he on guitar and me on the flute). We invited him to stay for a delicious dinner and had a marvelous further conversation.

Monday August 20

I got up at about 6 AM after another night where I more or less slept clear through the night.

Had the first outpatient bi-weekly rehabilitation session. For all the subsequent sessions, I’ve arranged to be picked up by a shuttle service run by the hospital so Susanne doesn’t need to take me. The first thing the therapist decided to work with was an electrical stimulation device. She needed to take quite a bit of time to get electrode pads affixed to the side of my calf in just the right location. The way this works is that pressure from my heel on a switch they put in my shoe triggers an electrical signal that stimulates the muscle. This is part of trying to restore the electrical impulse from my brain.

Began exploring ways to begin offering the “Three Tools of Healing” dramatic presentation to the public. This is the initial promotional flyer.

• I emailed the local reporter for the weekly newspaper the link to the blog and the promotional flyer to see if he’s interested in doing an article.
• I also sent an email to a listserve for the local Bahá’í community.
• I located two speaker’s bureaus in Cleveland that may well have an interest. One is run by the Jewish Community Federation, the other by the Mind Body Spirit Connection and is called the Complementary Alternative Medicine Speaker’s Bureau. I left a message for the person at the Jewish Community Federation.
• Many churches may also find my message inspiring (even though the source of the tools is the writings of the Baha’i Faith), because the talk is structured to be very inclusive as far as the spiritual inspiration….

Our friends Mark and Mara Fojas and their baby Liam Uluru came to visit and brought dinner. Mara is the daughter of Stephanie and Dustin Dornbrook, whose pictures I commented on from the Gathering Place in the post “Home 8/07-8/09”. We had a delightful time with them. Mark is about to begin medical school after working for 13 years in various areas of Information Technology. When we mentioned the challenges we’re finding in gaining access to the medical information we came to find out that Mark has extensively researched the new federal government patient privacy regulations that are being cited as the reason for the restrictions on access. He had some very interesting comments about how these regulations are being over applied. For instance he pointed out that the HIPAA acronym actually refers to Information Portability between health care facilities and not privacy…privacy was tacked on to the law at the end. My interest in this goes beyond my own personal circumstances. I see this restriction on information for patients as a barrier to people applying the fact-based spirit-guided path paradigm and plan to make contact with our congressperson, Stephanie Tubbs Jones, with my concerns about the matter. She serves on the House Ways and Means committee which oversees health care issues.

We attended a Baha’i 19-day Feast devotional and social gathering in Cleveland Heights. It was a wonderful time with about 15 participants. I shared a brief version of my story for the first time with a group of people and it felt very good to do so. People were clearly moved by what I said. One of the concerns that I had as the steroids were ramping down was that I would lose confidence in sharing my story. The frantic edge is now gone but the inner certainty and peace has remained…thank God!

Sunday August 19

(0 steroids finally) We started the day by going to breakfast with some of the same wonderful folks that brought the breakfast party to our house last Sunday. Good fellowship and wide-ranging conversation. I was talking with Jef McDonough, who is quite an accomplished guitar player, about my having resumed efforts to learn more music theory, particularly around guitar chord structure. He offered to come by Tuesday afternoon so we could work together on that.

Our friends Rebecca Li and David Stickler had initially invited us to go out on their boat at dawn today but the weather was not favorable, so we took a raincheck on that. They invited us to come over anyway for a visit and lunch. We went to their place after breakfast and had a delightful time talking with them and seeing their new house in Rocky River, a Cleveland suburb. Rebecca is Chinese-American and David is American. The lunch prepared by their Chinese housekeeper/cook was incredible and was topped off with 2-course dessert

I pulled out several of the emails that had come in while I was in the hospital, located them on Susanne’s computer, forwarded them to mine, and sent messages to the senders. It was amazing that the prayer requests for me went to so many people. One of them was from a person I had not heard from at all for over 40 years. Another was from the first Bahá’í I met at Hiram College in 1970, Mary Jane (Barbee) Wolkman, now living in Florida and a wonderful artist . She had just come to Hiram as an upperclassman transfer and was, in fact, the first Bahá’í that we know of to attend Hiram. I was immediately drawn to the meetings she was holding, and she commented in her message to Susanne that I was the “first person I met who was truly interested in the Faith”. I declared my belief in Baha’u’llah just before Thanksgiving break. This communication from Mary Jane has motivated me to want to gather the stories of all the folks who became Baha’is at Hiram. Marj McCabe, who is still living locally near me, was very involved as an outside support person during those years at Hiram. We have agreed to work together on this story-collecting project.

We accomplished training Susanne on the rest of the Marriage Transformation Project reports, as noted in the Friday August 17 post.

Saturday August 18

(2.5% max level of steroids…tomorrow 0% YAY!) I more less or less slept through the night, which I’m attributing to the final tailing off of the steroids. Up until last night I would sleep for a little while and then be wide awake for several hours. As the steroid levels have come down, the awake times have been less and less frantic.

As I noted in “Preparation for the Hospital” Susanne and I have the ability to be pretty intentional about getting things accomplished. First thing this morning, she translated the notes from last night’s dinner into specific to-do lists for each of us. We then set about calmly and peacefully doing the items. She also got her blog comments current with what I have posted. One of my items was to locate the head cleaner for the CD players and clean all the players. When I got to the player in the family room I also decided to do some long over-due organizing of our CD collection. This felt very much like the outdoor clean-up I accomplished last weekend.

While I was playing guitar, I decided to get out some materials I’d starting working on years ago to learn some music theory, particularly around the structure of guitar chords and the key signatures for the various keys.

Susanne had a large envelope with all the cards I’d received and the emails that she’d printed…there were many that she did not print. She brought them to my room. It was almost overwhelming to look through them.

Friday August 17

(2.5% max level of steroids) Work colleagues Dave Leonard and Brian Bukovec brought lunch and we ate together on the patio. They have a very important meeting next week with a major customer that I used to manage, before I moved into a market development role, and really needed my input. We discussed the issues involved at length. It felt good to get back in the swing a bit.

Friday is farm market day in Euclid so we went shopping for vegetables there. On the way home we got into jovial speculation as to why the pathology report was taking so long. As I noted in “The Hospital” post, I had been visualizing building a cocoon around the tumor and sealing it with Superglue. We figured that the delay was from the doctors trying to figure out what the foreign substance was surrounding the tumor! We also knew that prayers were continuing, so perhaps the doctors were observing changes in the content of the samples.

Susanne and I decided to go out to dinner, and we talked about celebrating the successful surgery and our upcoming wedding anniversary. Susanne reminded me that before the surgery we had stated that our outcome from this challenge was to “achieve a higher level of spirituality”. I had totally forgotten that we had stated that as a possibility and both laughed about how well it had been accomplished. Stating a possibility like this is a practice we have adopted from Landmark Education and find it to be very powerful. We continued the conversation from the previous night about planning the course of action for the two possible outcomes of the pathology report, which we will receive Wednesday: (1) no further treatment needed or 2) further treatment needed. We stated our possibility going forward for both of us as “Being fact-based and spirit-guided”. For the first possible outcome, we agreed that it was pretty straight-forward (rehab activity for the right foot and return to work at the appropriate time). For the second possible outcome, we agreed that effort should go into generally catching up with our lives and also:

• Identifying a structure for review of treatment recommendations we would expect to receive from a variety of sources
• Addressing a technical problem with backing up key files on our computer system
• Training Susanne to be able to do the rest of the reports and activities I take care of for the Marriage Transformation business

We also had a wonderful discussion about what we each need on a personal level to be prepared for the report and reaffirmed our love for each other.

I explained to Susanne that I’m seeing the fact-based spirit-guided path as a new paradigm that, at its core, would guide people to identify and stay connected with the FACTS regarding a particular aspect of their life (medical, personal, relationship, etc.) as a powerful means of avoiding high anxiety and speculation (two activities that are particularly detrimental to well-being). Susanne provided some key insights into specifying these two activities to be avoided. I also indicated that more fully understanding this is a work in progress and that I’ve appreciated the input she’s already provided. She encouraged me to continue the efforts to fully articulate what this paradigm means.

Following the conversation with Dr. Sloan’s secretary on Thursday (see Pathology Report Update 8/16) we were both pretty distraught. I decided to take a walk around the block. Susanne proceeded to make dinner. Probably not a good idea, but we still wanted to go to the Toastmaster’s meeting. She put one of our large pots on the stove without filling it first with water and turned on the heat. This destroyed the pot. After dinner Friday, we decided to go shop for a new set of cookware and decided that we would make it our anniversary present. August 28 will be 8 years we have been married and very happily so. We had a good time selecting just the right set.

Home 8/13-8/16

Monday August 13 to Wednesday August 15 (5% max level of steroids) I’m going to group these 3 days together because they kind of flow into each other in my mind.

Had delightful visits with both Kim Klein, a friend from Landmark Education (we have attended many of their courses), and three colleagues from work, Sylvia, Flo, and Pam, who also brought me my work laptop computer, as I had requested.

I have been using the laptop, so far, only to write material for the blog in the middle of the night (as I am doing right now). For some reason, although the wireless connection is in place, I am unable to access the Internet to get to the blog. I’ve contacted our IT folks to see if they can offer assistance. Susanne and I had a conversation about when it would be alright for me to begin accessing my work email. From my perspective I don’t see any big deal about how soon I do so. She expressed concerns about me doing so without consultative input from my manager, medical personnel, and her. The concerns were around potential impact on my medical leave and possible damage to my reputation due to what she perceives as my impaired judgment. I fail to see the relevance of either of these issues but agreed to await consideration of beginning to access email until Sunday (0 steroids day).

I spoke to Dr. Sloan’s secretary about the Pathology report on Tuesday. She assured me that these reports come straight to her desk and she immediately gets them to the doctor with a priority status. She also indicated that the amount of time this one is taking is not unusual and that we should be patient.

I began to experience a slight amount of upward movement of my right foot and was able to more or less hold my foot level when walking without the brace. My ability to hobble about without the brace improved as a result.

I hired Marcus again to clean out and organize the garage. That pretty well completes the clean-up activities I had in mind for our external environment.

We decided to rent a video and chose “Peaceful Warrior”, which is a portrayal of Dan Millman’s book “Way of the Peaceful Warrior”. Very powerful story of overcoming a serious life setback through gaining clear focus.

Went to the barber shop and library. At the library I was drawn to get a range of heavy, medium and light read books. My norm previously would be fairly light to medium reading books.

I had previously worked out a method to have sales affiliates involved with the Marriage Transformation products and already had a couple in Norway who runs a Baha’i-oriented website for singles called Two Doves interested in participating. I got them signed up, developed the webpage to explain the program, and announced it to our listserve. It will also be an ongoing item in our monthly e-newsletter. Got an immediate positive response from one of our friends in New Mexico, so we now already have 2 affiliates signed up! Some of the backlog of tasks from before the surgery were beginning to get cleared up.

Thursday August 16 (2.5% max level of steroids) We went to the YMCA to workout/swim, at about 5:30 AM, which has been our practice for years. We have developed nice friendships with a number of the other regulars. Many of them were there and were very glad to see me. I did a light workout but will not be permitted to swim until September, to avoid potential infection of the incision.

Had the intake visit at Out-Patient rehab. It was a very thorough and probing examination of the condition of my right leg. Susanne had also gotten authorization from the insurance company for some other issues to be addressed during the rehab work. Because there is a family history of osteoporosis, I was tested a year or so ago and the results indicated it was an issue. When the initial MRI tests were done, in addition to the brain scan, which showed the tumor, a neck (cervical spine) scan was also done, which showed some degeneration. I am scheduled for 2-45 minutes each week for the next 4 weeks. At that time my condition will be re-evaluated.

I completed the task from the Smart Marriages conference of getting all the contacts that had entered our raffle signed up for our e-newsletter and entered into our database.

We had decided that it would be worthwhile for Susanne to contact Dr. Sloan’s secretary and request that she confirm with Pathology that the report was, in fact, in process and not misplaced somewhere. In the preparation for the surgery, we had two occurrences where tests had to be done a second time. The secretary agreed to do so and came back with the information that was posted on August 16. As we looked at the further delay we came to recognize that it was really a bounty in disguise and decided to take on being fully prepared for whatever the report indicates…1) no further treatment needed or 2) further treatment indicated. Planning for the first option is easy. What we began looking at is what steps we will take to gathering additional information and develop a plan IF the second option is what is presented to us. This was a very empowering discussion because, for the first time, Susanne was willing to engage in real conversation about the insights of the Fact-Based Spirit-Guided Path (and I was willing to discuss a possible negative outcome to the tests). There is still much to be developed to fully flesh-out this new paradigm and I’m now seeing the potential for Susanne and me to do some of this consultatively. Yeah!

We decided to go to our Toastmaster’s meeting. I was particularly drawn to go because the topic for the week was Comets and Meteors. I was an amateur astronomer in high school and continue to have a fascination with all the phenomena visible in the skies. It was very moving to walk into the room. The meeting had just started and when folks saw me they paused and many of them rose to their feet with applause. I had some wonderful conversations with many of them after the meeting.

I’m now caught up to real time so plan to, at the end of each day review and process the events of that day.

Home 8/10 to 8/12

Friday August 10 (10% max level of steroids) Because I felt so clean and refreshed in my own being I wanted the environment around me to be consistent with that. I also wanted a reason to be outdoors. So, I hired one of the young men in our neighborhood to be my hands outdoors and to do some overdue tidying up of the yard. He had been delivering our weekly local paper for a few years, and he and friend had distributed a flyer that indicated they were available to do odd jobs. I tried to mentor him, but was not able to motivate him to work effectively, so after an hour or so we stopped.

Also by this point, I had tuned up my guitar that had lain dormant for a long time, began playing my favorite flute (made of crystal) in my flute collection, and had launched the blog. I was immediately doing things with both the guitar and flute that I had never achieved before…it was glorious. I was taking great delight in writing the blog and reading the initial comments I was receiving. I felt as if I had creativity oozing out of every pore of my body. Susanne and my sister Nancy observed that since the tumor had been impacting the left (sometimes termed the logical) side of my brain, perhaps that created a shift to the right (sometimes termed the artistic) side of the brain. I don’t know…what I do know is that it feels wonderful to be creative, and I hope that it doesn’t go away as I recover.

I find myself drawn to reading spiritually related materials such as a book entitled "How Prayer Heals" by, Walter Weston, who Susanne had interviewed during her freelance journalism and radio hosting days. I was fascinated to find that he is a Methodist minister and has a doctorate in prayer and healing research. The book is a presentation of scientific research proving the effectiveness of prayer and healing-touch in effecting healing. He compares and contrasts Eastern and Western healing approaches. He sees that the Eastern, secularly based, healing approaches have no Higher Power-oriented prayer component and “do not offer supportive community, relational healing, or religious nourishment for the ill. These are already present in the Western holistic health model.” He also indicates “…of all the issues surrounding healing prayer, the importance of faith and belief during the healing encounter has been the most troubling for me. The public overwhelmingly believes that one must have great faith in God in order to be healed. This has been hammered into our minds by one television faith-healer after another…The truth is that the only qualification for offering healing prayer is a loving concern. The only qualifications for being healed are the desire to become well and a trust in healing prayer.” What a refreshing perspective. Susanne tells me that, the last she knew Mr. Weston was living Medina, which is only about 1 hour. I really want to meet this man, gain more insight into healing prayer, and discuss my experience with him.

My pattern each night continues to be sleeping for a few hours, very peacefully awake for several hours, and then more sleep. Early in the steroid ramp down, the awake hours were pretty charged with frantic thoughts running around in my mind. One of the nights I chose to experience a practice that my friend Rick Eastburn indicated he has done many times during nights with wakefulness…he sits and reads Baha’u’llah’s “Book of Certitude” from cover to cover. I tried this and it was wonderful.

Saturday August 11 (10% max level of steroids) I wrote my first poem since November 1998 My previous set of poetry entitled “The Journey: a Collection of Poems from the Irregular Journal of Craig Farnsworth 1986-1999” was very largely therapeutic as I struggled with depression off and on during that period.

I decided to take another crack at hiring a set of hands. I had established a friendship with a neighbor, Howie Germany, who has a teenage son Marcus. I had hired Marcus once to assist with moving a load of books from pallets in our garage down into the basement. He performed that task acceptably. We agreed on a wage for my current work and set to work. I wanted him to tackle cleaning the brick patio, which was thoroughly caked with dirt, moss, and weeds, and the lawn furniture, which had become very dirty. I explained what I was after, offered some suggestions as to how to best accomplish it, and he set about the task with enthusiasm and actually developed an approach beyond what I had suggested. I had a delightful time chatting with him. He is entering 11^th grade, attended a math/science camp during the early part of the summer, and has aspirations to be pediatrician. The Euclid High School is divided into 6 small schools. Students apparently have the option to attend the one that is most consistent with their interests and aptitude. He attends the Academy for Intellectual and Interpersonal Development, which he indicated has a strong competent of character development….outstanding. He accomplished the task in two 2-hour time segments and the patio looked as good as the day I finished building it 4 years ago.

Sunday August 12 (10% max level of steroids) I sometimes participate in a Sunday breakfast get-together at a restaurant. The regulars were willing to bring food and prepare breakfast at our home this week instead. I was delighted. Tim McDonough and George Eaton showed up early to begin cooking breakfast on the gas grill on my newly rejuvenated patio. Several others arrived later, and we had a wonderful time talking and eating.

Susanne and I decided to go down to one of the lakefront city parks to enjoy the scenery. While we were out we also visited Lillian Horn, a 97-year-old member of the Euclid Bahá’í community. She had been following my progress via her son, Robert, and was delighted to see me…and I her. We did a little playing with dueling canes.

July 19 Energy Healing Session

You'll recall in "The Hospital" that Dan Clark did an energy healing session and reported the results to me as we were driving to the hospital. I just received his written report. Thanks Dan.

Distant Healing Notes: Craig Farnsworth

July 19, 2007

10:30pm

A fluttering energy was found in the left side of Craig’s head. It just kept… “going and going and going – with the pressure of fast paced erratic energy. It was a type of energy that generated an illusion and/or fear and worry - that Craig needed to do more and do it faster. Nervous erratic flows of energy, coupled with emotional energies of fear and worry can cause blockages. Even if the energy being generated was only an illusion, the subconscious mind interpreted it as real. The subconscious does not distinguish the difference between real and imagined. The stress of this constant, continual energy disturbance translated into a nervous, fluttering energy through the energy system and creating blockages in the right side of his energy body. The right side is, coincidentally, the yang side (giving/sending). The left side is the receiving (yin) side. All of this energy was cleared.

6th Chakra was clogged and out of balance.

(fear/worry/anxiety – self-generated, projected, and perceived energies)

2nd Chakra was also cleaned and rebalanced.

All of the other Chakras were rebalanced.

Earth Chakra 1, beneath feet was cleansed and rebalanced for grounding.

Finished by Flushing the entire Nervous system, cleansing the nerve pathways. (Created smooth flowing energy)

Session Conducted By:

Daniel M. Clark

Qigong Healer

Spiritual Cleansing Practitioner

Pathology Report Update 8/16

Susanne spoke today to Dr. Sloan's (surgeon) secretary. She was able to determine that the pathology report is in the final stages. Since it would be on into next week before we could hear from the doctor with the results by phone, we have opted to get the results in person on Wednesday, August 22nd at his office (the doctor prefers to answer questions in person in any case). Our appointment is currently scheduled for 11 a.m. Our experience, however, with this doctor and hospital is that emergencies, etc. arise, so just stay tuned... And please pray for our calm patience. We are struggling with the delay, as we know you are.

In the meantime...I had an excellent first session today with the physical therapist at Euclid Hospital outpatient rehabilitation. I'll go there twice a week and have exercises to do in between. Including folding the laundry :-). I am walking better each day, often just with the brace and not the cane, and can now slightly wiggle my right toes. I’m already back doing the dishes :-). We went tonight to Toastmasters for the first time since before the surgery.

I’m delighted that Susanne has begun adding comments to my posts that are her perspective on "the rest of the story". If you don't see her comments...wait...come back...it's in progress!

As always, we thanks you for your love and prayers...

Home 8/07-8/09

I am overjoyed to be home. After considering various possible setups of where I would sleep and which bathroom I would use, Susanne came up with the perfect solution. I spend the night in the small room off our kitchen that, when we do not have overnight guests, serves as our prayer/meditation room. It has a wonderful bay window looking out into the trees with a window seat. I have my books, guitar, and flute close at hand there. When my leg brace is off, I can safely hobble to the bathtub/shower and toilet as they are close at hand. It’s a wonderful, healing space.

Susanne visits but spends the nights upstairs in the master bedroom. My sleeping patterns are still pretty erratic, and I’m often up during the night reading, praying, or computing. My steroid intake is now at 5% of the maximum, which may be a factor in this pattern. Time will tell after I get to 0% on Sunday and the drugs work their way out of my system. My work laptop was brought to me Monday when several of my work colleagues at Radix Wire brought lunch in (I’m a market development manager there). I am writing this at about midnight lying in my bed. I went to sleep at about 9:30 p.m. and am now wide awake. So now I’ll pick up the chronology.

I arrived home Tuesday, August 7 (20% max level of steroids) in the early afternoon. A contractor that installs handrails and bathroom grab bars came so that we could specify what we wanted on the various stairs and in the bath tub. (Those were all installed Monday August 13. Although I’ve been safely navigating all over the house without them, the rails make it easier and they will help others too.) That night I asked Susanne to setup the bathtub for me to take an Epsom salt bath. The tub is an air bubbler tub so I really craved the comfort that this might afford. I could tell that she was not thrilled with the request but agreed anyway. It was delicious. Just as I was getting out of the tub around 9 p.m. my friend Rick Eastburn arrived. I crawled into bed, and he sat in my room for about an hour with me doing most of the talking (this was uncharacteristic for how I used to interact with people). After Rick left, I begged Susanne to join me in bed, when she was reluctant, I became angry, started swearing, and actually threw some pillows. I could tell from her face that she was very frightened, so I immediately backed off my request. I’ll let her share in her comments about how all of this occurred for her.

On Wednesday, August 8 (still at 20% max level of steroids) we had an appointment to be measured for a custom-fit ASO brace for my leg. I stepped on the scale there. My weight had come down about 20 pounds…I’m actually now at the weight my doctor has been recommending for years…so all of my pants are very loose and I had no belt small enough to fully hold them up. We went and bought a 36” belt to replace the 40” one that I have been wearing for many years.

I then had my post-surgical follow-up visit with the surgeon, Dr. Sloan. We were expecting removal of the stitches and the results of the pathology report. Susanne had indicated that if the pathology report was clean she would be okay, but if not, she might not be in shape drive us home, so we decided to take a cab. The visit with Dr. Sloan had many parts:

• I highly commended him for being able to deftly divert my attachment to going home the Sunday after surgery (see Near Disaster Post Op). I had planned to stand and shake his hand but the nurse was deep into pulling out stitches.
• He indicated that the pathology report was not yet ready, and he would call us with the results when they came in.
• We asked if there was anything in my medical record regarding seizures, which would trigger a state law restricting my driving privileges for 6 months. He asked me to illustrate the leg spasms. When I did so, he classified that as a seizure and indicated that he was required to so note it in his records. I was crushed. This means no driving for me until mid-January 2008. It’s not completely clear that they had that notation in the record before we asked the question. I have loaned the truck until January to my friend Nik Tressler’s son, which I’m delighted with, but would far rather be driving it myself once rehab indicates I’m safe to drive.
• I requested a clear statement regarding hereditary links to provide to y daughters, Michelle and Leah. My notes indicate “No fully understood hereditary links would have predicted mine and David’s tumor.” Dr. Sloan has already been in the process of involvement with a proposal to look more deeply into hereditary factors and they will be requesting further information/testing from David and me if the proposal is accepted.
• We asked what we do so that both our family doctor and ourselves could get copies of the reports from the radiology, surgery, and pathology. He directed us to the Medical Records department to get a form to fill out.
• One of the events during the week at In-Patient Rehab that I chose to not mention there, because I planned to address it here in the narrative was that I got very hooked on RESCUING my son David from the anguish I perceived he was going through with his cancerous tumor. He completed a six-week radiation treatment the week I was preparing for surgery, and he is beginning chemotherapy the week of August 20. He was very tired throughout the treatment. I made very grandiose promises to him and his wife and got highly incensed over the fact that he did not have a written copy of his pathology report (which would have been available in early April). I built this up in my mind to be a key point of absolute agony for him. So my final anguished and tearful question to Dr. Sloan was whether he had any idea why my son did not have a written copy of his pathology report The Dr. indicated that David would have to request it through Medical Records, and he left the room.

We proceeded to the Medical Records department and picked up copies of the required form for our family doctor, myself, and David. I then proceeded to make a scene about immediacy in getting David’s report, demanding to see the supervisor of the department. Susanne got upset and left the room. I then insisted that we go by David’s apartment on the way home so that he would have the form urgently and immediately. She challenged me in the lobby of the hospital, but I couldn’t listen. Later in the day, I was able to hear Susanne quietly indicate that, for many people, a pathology report is too much complex information and not important when the actions to take in response to it are clear. It was me who desperately wanted the facts in David’s pathology report, not him. I initially struggled with accepting that all the facts might not be needed or useful to someone in this situation but I did GET IT eventually.

Thursday, August 9 (20% max level of steroids) started out without commitments so I made the suggestion that it might be nice to visit the Gathering Place, a local cancer-support center. It was immediately obvious from Susanne’s facial reaction that this was not a good idea. It was clear that she saw visiting there as only necessary if my diagnosis was cancer. However, after a few minutes reflection, she suggested that as upset as I’d been about David, it did make sense to go for support as his father. This was an excellent idea, and I left a voice mail indicating, “My son is currently undergoing treatment for brain cancer and I would like to come in for a counseling session to help me get emotionally unattached from trying to rescue him.” I had to try twice after saying this to leave my phone number because I was in tears. An appointment was set for 4 p.m. that day. We arrived a bit early so that we could tour the place. Our friend, Janet Lyon, who is a volunteer worker there, gave me a tour. It is wonderful. Particularly poignant to me is a hall of photographs with quotations from participants. There are powerful photos of our friends Stephanie Dornbrook, who is undergoing treatment for pancreatic cancer, and her husband Dustin.

Mary Bernstein, the counselor, came and found us in the library for the counseling session. Susanne and I had agreed that she would stay for the beginning of the session and then depart. She ended up staying for the whole session, which was fine. We looked in depth at my reasons for having gotten hooked on rescuing David, including my long-time guilt for not being present for him in his teen years. I got very clear that whatever I did with David, it was vital for those actions to be truly acceptable to him and best for him, not a “cavalry to the rescue” mission for me. It was agreed that I would speak with him as soon as possible and convey 1) The grandiose plans I laid out for them when they visited me rehab were largely the steroids speaking, and I was apologetically withdrawing them, 2) When I am taking no steroids I want to sit down with him and get very clear on how I can best support him (be the wind under his wings). Mary also helped us to talk a bit about the impact on our marriage of all that was occurring. We decided to eat out before going home and had a very pleasant and relaxed time. I came home with a new sense of serenity about David. I called him the next day and he wholeheartedly agreed to meet with me in a few days. I’m looking forward to it immensely!

The Physical Side of Rehab

On Wednesday someone from every department visited me—medical, psychology, speech therapy, occupational therapy, and physical therapy. Each had forms, questions, and things they wanted me to do while they observed. By the afternoon I was ready go downstairs for the scheduled rehab sessions. Each morning and afternoon I was provided with 1-1/2 hours of therapy divided between Occupational Therapy (OT), where the person is taken to the maximum level of independence within the level of functionality they had achieved, and Physical Therapy (PT), where work is done to attempt to improve the functionality.

Since I was using a walker, OT meant learning how to use a walker safely. For instance, I had to get around a kitchen doing various tasks while using one. In PT, I was getting off the walker onto some parallel bars to work on balance, improving the use of my right leg, and other activities. This proceeded through Thursday. In parallel with this, Susanne was in discussion with the Social Worker about the future. Indication from the insurance company was that they would cover me staying for about a week and then reassess my progress. The staff felt they could get me functional with a walker by that time.

Susanne produced a document for the staff with extensive photographs of our house and attended one of the OT and a PT therapy sessions. I was very clear that she was getting disturbed about the prospects of me in a walker in our house, which has many sets of stairs and uneven surfaces. I resolved to do everything I could to get off the walker. By this point I was beginning to get well grounded in the implications of the Fact-Based Spirit-Guided Path and it was clear that, if you need facts, then ask the right questions and keep asking until you get what you need. I showed a therapist the pictures and asked for her thoughts on how someone using a walker might function. I could get see her eyes bugging out of her head. She made suggestions about removing throw rugs, etc. I then said, “As far as I’m concerned it’s out of the question for that to be my state when I’m discharged. I request that we shift our focus such that, if I’m not fully ambulatory at discharge, that I require only a cane.”

The other insight I had was that, on occasion, I had to politely guide my own treatment. She said to me, “OK. Please get up on your walker and I’m going to carefully observe what happens when you walk.” I did so and within a minute or so she said, “What you appear to have is a condition called Drop Foot. What that means is your Anterior Tibialis muscle (Front Shin Muscle) is not working.” Hallelujah….a FACT. She then used a length of gauze to create a makeshift support for my lower right leg and asked me to walk. World of difference. She explained that she was simulating a working Front Shin Muscle to prove her hypothesis. We proceeded, without the walker, to see how I well I could do out in the hall. A little shaky but wonderful. She was right there guiding me as was appropriate. We then successfully tried the stairs! When Susanne arrived for lunch I excitedly shared the progress. She agreed that it sounded wonderful, but I could tell it did not remove the WALKER image from her mind. I returned to OT in the afternoon and requested to work with the same person. We went to a table and she pulled out the stuff she’d brought from home…Velcro, webbed strips, etc.…the therapist’s office version of creating something with spit and bailing wire [this is an obscure expression that may not mean much to some folks] and went to work with scissors. She attached some pieces around the bottom shoelaces, taped a band around my shin and connected the two with the webbed strips. It was very clear what she was doing. Once she had it in place we had a wonderful time walking around with a cane. The PT person I then worked with had me using the parallel bars and asked me to move my left and right feet in a certain order as I walked sideways…I immediately recognized the steps of the dance Hava Nagila…complete with the dips and bounces. I was elated and couldn’t wait to share my triumph with Susanne.

I attended a very nice chair Tai Chi class the next morning (Sunday) and had one PT session in the afternoon with strengthening exercises. On Monday, the physical therapist found an ASO (Ankle-Shin Orthosis) brace to insert it in my shoe to replace the makeshift brace from the weekend. I was fully ambulatory with it and a cane. The department heads all met Monday to review my progress, so right after the meeting 5 ladies in white jackets came walking into my room to speak with my wife and me. Each reported in on their disciplines and identified what was remaining before I was safe to be discharged. The conclusion was that I could be discharged Tuesday or Wednesday to home. We chose Tuesday. That afternoon, I then worked on the necessary skills and chair for showering.

I then I fell into a wicked trap. I somehow made up that I had progressed as far as I could, and I began in my mind to develop a whole new persona, to go along with the transformed inner me, that had a certain flare around the cane. I figured I’d have a good time picking out just the right customized cane. As Susanne came into my room later on she overheard me waxing eloquent with a business colleague about the quest for just the right cane for the new me. As I hung up, our friend Elinore arrived to provide another Jin Shin Jitysu accupressure treatment, which she and Susanne did together. While she was working on me, Susanne asked about the cane comments and asked what medical person had told me that my condition would be permanent and told me I had made up a story. I closed my eyes and told her I didn’t want to talk about it. Inside I went “You fool. You just extrapolated an incredible fantasy based on NO FACTS.” When Elinore left, we headed out to the gardens for our evening sojourn. On the way I said, “I really want to thank for spotting and popping the trap I fell into. Of course I’ll do all I can to get that muscle back and get rid of the brace and cane. Thank you so much.” All I had the next morning was an early PT session where I was issued my own cane and provided with an elastic band and exercises to do.

Once the discharge paperwork was in order, I made my joyous exit, Susanne drove me down the street to register for Out Patient Rehab, we stopped at the drugstore to fill prescriptions, and we went home. I can’t tell how wonderful it felt, after 2-1/2 weeks in 2 different sterile hospitals, to walk into our sensory-rich and inviting home.

Spiritual Side of Rehab

I was discharged Tuesday from University Hospital and transported by ambulance to the Cleveland Clinic’s Euclid Hospital In-Patient Rehabilitation Center. We had requested Euclid because we live in Euclid, so it was closer for Susanne and friends, and the facility has an excellent reputation. It is also located right on the shore of Lake Erie, and I was so hopeful to have a room with a view of the lake…some of them don’t. I was elated to be wheeled into a room with a full open view of the lake looking westward. It was late in the day, so the sun was streaming in through the window. I asked Susanne for my sunglasses and just basked in the sun.

I arose about dawn each morning, sitting by the window watching day break. It was particularly entrancing to see the first rays of sunlight reflecting off the bellies of the circling birds. Whenever possible, I went outdoors to the beautiful Healing Garden paths in my wheelchair, and later with a walker and then cane. Susanne and I prayed on the phone most mornings before breakfast.

At rehab, I felt very serene and mellow, and I really began contemplating about what had happened over the previous 10 days. Clearly I had not endured the normal preparation for surgery and then surgery. This contemplation kept coming back to the moment on July 19 when the doctor called with the news about the tumor. What I came to realize was that at that moment a path presented itself at my feet that I stepped onto. The first step came with receiving the FACTS about my condition…the second step was SPIRIT telling me “Cling to it…cling to the facts. They are your solace, your source of strength and serenity. Do not go into anxiety, worry, or speculation. That will do you no good!! Cling to the facts.” Thus the Fact-Based Spirit-Guided Path came into my life, and I am so so, so glad that it did. It has truly transformed every aspect of my being and views--mental, emotional, spiritual and physical.

I had Susanne bring me my work laptop, but it was too soon to be keyboarding. Susanne knew that I was doing a lot processing of my experiences by talking to myself so, at the suggestion of one of my managers at work, she brought me a small tape recorder so that I could record and then listen to my thoughts. It was wonderful and helpful. I very quickly developed a wonderful dramatic presentation about my experienes and what it resulted in, called “The Three Tools for Healing”. I have the promotional flyer all ready to go, and when the time is right, Susanne and I will talk through how to incorporate this new passion of mine into our already full lives. This is a story that I just can’t keep inside. It is so wonderful, after all my life feeling awkward with keeping conversations going to have such volumes to share.

I’m continuing to develop additional areas of new interest grounded in the Fact-Based Spirit-Guided Path:

• Insights for patients and visitors to patients.
• Skills training sessions so that people can use a Fact-Based Spirit-Guided approach in their lives and avoid the depressing anxiety and worry.
• Ramifications of this process for marriages and relationships.

I’m sure the list will continue to grow but for right now, I’m content to allow “The Three Tools for Healing” presentation to come to fruition…it will touch many hearts, I’m sure, and I will leave the future plans in the Hands of God.

Near Disaster Post-Op

Prior to the surgery my two daughters, Leah and Michelle, with Michelle’s daughter Karida, told me that they would be coming to town Sunday and Monday to see me. I was delighted to hear this. Leah is 25 and lives in Washington, DC. Michelle is 31 and lives in Dayton with her husband Hooman and 3-year-old Karida. On Saturday of that weekend Michelle, Karida, their mother Lynn traveled to DC for Leah’s graduation ceremony from Massage Therapy School. I had been planning to be there but, obviously had to cancel those plans. They were all then going to drive back to Ohio, Lynn would continue to her home in Indianapolis, and the girls would come to Cleveland.

Because I had witnessed the timing of what occurred after David’s surgery, I had strong expectations of a similar flow for mine. He had surgery on Friday, Intensive Care on Saturday, regular ward room on Sunday. He was then discharged to home on Sunday evening, where Christina already was with their new baby. I got very, very, very attached to doing the same thing so that I could see the girls at home and not in the hospital. I kept saying the words over and over that I was committed to this outcome but not attached. Inside it wasn’t so! Keep in mind that steroids can do some pretty irrational things to your thought processes.

Midday on Sunday Dr. Sloan came to my room for a chat with Susanne and me. We discussed the outcome of the surgery, with which he was very pleased, and I asked about when I was to be discharged. I still needed a walker to get slowly about, but I made it clear I would really like to go home that day. He began to say that discharge that evening was fine, but then Susanne asked him about Craig’s difficulty walking. Dr. Sloan had me get up and walk. When he saw my dragging right foot, he changed course and said it was better for my long-term recovery if they discharged me to an intensive in-patient rehabilitation facility program. I was very upset at having to stay there any longer, but I calmed down and agreed to go along with his recommendation.

When I saw him after surgery for my follow-up visit, I complimented him highly for his ability to so deftly bring a steroid-pumped bull around who was attached to being discharged on Sunday. It would have been a disaster. Although I was fine Sunday evening with the girls and enjoyed Monday afternoon with them and Karida when they returned with David, I was very tired, dehydrated, and eating very little. All night Sunday and Monday I and the nurses were working on major gastro-intestinal issues--I was not sure what was going north and what was going south in my body! I’ll spare you the details (although they were very significant to me at the time!). Between the weakness and exhaustion and the effects of the steroids, if I had been home, Susanne would likely have had to return me to the hospital.

Leah was still in town on Tuesday, and she and our friend Elinore Evans did Jin Shin Jitysu acupressure on me to then ready me for discharge. The staff told me that if I kept breakfast and lunch down, they would let me go. I was successful, and at 4 p.m., the ambulance came and got me.

Spiritual Preparation

Before I proceed with the post-surgery story I want share my reflections on why I fell that I was ready to step on the Fact-Based Spirit-Guided Path when it appeared at my feet. I can recall, throughout my adult life, having had kind of a low-level hunger for really connecting with prayer at a depth at which I could honestly say my soul was touched and renewed. There were fleeting moments but nothing sustainable. Susanne and I made pilgrimage to the Bahá’í Holy places in the Haifa/Acca area of Israel in May of 2006. One of my intentions was to achieve this prayer connection at the thresholds of where the mortal remains of The Báb, Bahá’u’lláh, and Abdu’l-Bahá were enshrined. The 9 day period was wonderful, beautiful, uplifting, etc…but I shared my anguish about feeling the lack of spiritual connection with Susanne, and I begged God for help with this challenge. As I departed, I felt I still hadn’t gotten what I was after and was left feeling some sadness and frustration.

The next preparation phase began during the week in March of 2007 with my son’s brain tumor diagnosis and removal. David came through the surgery nicely and was back to work as a waiter in a jazz club called Nighttown within about a month. The family was anxiously awaiting word of the pathology report so we would know if David had cancer or not. Over the next several weeks we were receiving contradictory sounding information, “I’m fine but I’ll start radiation and chemo in a bit.” Finally there was definitive word of an appointment with an oncologist, Dr. Einstein, on May 7. Anticipating better information after this appointment I called David and got the same kind of contradictory information. The next morning I placed a call to the doctor’s office leaving a voice mail for the secretary indicating “I know you can’t talk to me about this case due to the confidentiality requirements but do you have a form that I can ask my son to sign so that I can interact with the doctor?” Instead of calling me back they merely called David and told him his father called asking for information. You can imagine the fury with which he immediately called me. He refused to listen to my explanation of what I’d actually requested, told me that he was an adult could handle this himself and that I should just go away. I was devastated and began to struggle with mild depression. Other than one time later in May, I did not speak with him again until July 19. The last I saw his new baby was April 28. Shortly after this I was talking with my friend Nik about what happened. He suggested that I add the Long Healing Prayer specifically for David to my daily prayer time. I did so.

The next preparation phase came in late June. As the symptoms continued to gradually worsen I finally agreed with Susanne’s suggestion that I have a telephone consultation with a medical intuitive, Julie Walker. Susanne had experienced excellent results from earlier consultations with her, as had a number of our friends. I had resisted this choice because I felt it to be a bit of a stretch to be on the telephone with someone 500 miles away who would be diagnosing what was going on with me. The call was quite extraordinary however. She made some recommendations about the physical issues she perceived and then we got into talking about my worries and concerns about David. She offered the very loving guidance to just “Let him go and focus on praying for him and know that there would likely be opportunities in the future to reconnect with him. ” This helped to lift some of my despair.

The following week, Susanne and I flew to Denver, Colorado for the annual Smart Marriages and Happy Families Conference. We had a booth there, and I had the joy of using a new card we developed for the conference and teaching hundreds of people how to specifically acknowledge the very best character qualities in their spouse and others. I was filled with such joy to make a difference in so many people’s lives. We had a fun time sharing the booth with Scott Haltzman, someone I highly respect for his outreach to men in taking responsibility for the quality of their marriages.

As I look back, I can see that this whole sequence had me in a mental/spiritual condition to smoothly step on the spiritual Path when it presented itself on July 19.

The Hospital

As we were preparing to leave I was very clear that I wanted 2 things with me. A picture of my 2 grandchildren...4 month old Aidan Xavier Farnsworth and 3 year old Karida Renee Tashakor and a pretty little poster called Three Tools of Healing. We've had the poster around for many years, have given away untold number of copies. I was clearly being guided to bring it so I did. Susanne took care of a couple books, underwear, etc and we headed out the door. Shortly after we left home, Susanne's cell phone rang. It was my friend Dan Clark that, among other wonderful things is a Qigong energy healer. He was calling to report on energy healing that he did on me from his home the previous night. I didn't follow half of what we was saying but it felt wonderful. We arrived at the University Hospital Case Medical Center ER and they loaded me into a wheelchair. In the waiting room I tried to operate the wheelchair but my right arm was so weak all I could do was go around in circles so I gave that up as a bad idea. I eventually made it through the ER processing to a room in the Neuro-Science ward. I asked Susanne to tape the picture and 3 Tools on the wall at the foot of my bed. I then laid back, mentally sent the grandkids assurance that I would be OK, and turned to the 3 Tools. MEDICAL TREATMENT I figured I already had that well delegated as I had just been admitted to one of the leading medical Neuro-Science facilities in the country, if not the world. Dr. Sloan first visited me at 2 AM Saturday morning, after his last surgery (this is a apparently not unusual) and explained that they had 3 hypotheses and that a CAT Scan had been ordered to verify or disprove one of the hypotheses...that the tumor originated somewhere else in my body. The results of that came back nagative, which was HUGE good new!! They very quickly put me on a high dosage (40 mg daily) of the Steroid Dexamethasoin to get the swelling down and reduce some of the symptoms. Over the next several days the symptoms rapidly deteriorated. There was a point where I had difficulty walking because arm was barely able to support my weight in the walker. The Steroids brought the symptoms down by about Wednesday...that was a relief. I had a FAST MRI on Wednesday, which meant they had me do specific things so they could see exactly where those functions were tied into my brain...amazing. Surgery was scheduled for 8 AM Friday. One further regular MRI with marker horns on my head was done Thursday. JOY AND LAUGHTER I had a calm inner sense that I should maintain my focus on the facts of what I knew (golfball sized tumor that was swelling in a location in my brain that was consistent with all the symptoms I was experiencing) and NOT getting into speculating or worrying. From that place I was able to consider Joy and Laughter as a possibility. Seemed like having some help with that might be a good idea so I asked Susanne to put out the word to everyone we knew telling them:

• The facts of what was going on with me with no speculation about what was coming.
• I needed their help...prayers, visits, phone calls.

She promised to do that as soon as she got home. From Saturday July 21 through Thursday July 26 I got what I requested...big time...and it was truly wonderful. Thank you to all who participated. I lost track of who called and visited there were so many. Nurses must have thought I was nuts with all the activity. I felt surrounded by love..my spirit was uplifted. I think it touched others hearts too...got a call late one night from a dear friend who is the crusty outside/heart of gold type. He said to me "Sorry I didn't call sooner, Craig, but I'm not real good at this sympathy and condolence stuff." I said "I don't need that stuff!!! I need your good wishes, your prayers, and foryou to be happy! Can you get on board with that???" Shifted the conversation real quick. PRAYER Almost all the rest of my time was spent in very quiet, very peaceful prayer, meditation, and visualization. I don't know if I actually really slept at all during the entire week. The line between the deep relaxation state I found myself in and sleep is probably pretty subtle. "The impulse to prayer is a natural one, springing from man's love to God." The meditation I was doing would likely be considered to be of the simple "Mindfulness" form. The visualization was creating a cocoon around the tumor so that the doctors could remove it in one piece. With the surgery scheduled for Friday morning, my dear dear friend Dr. Holly Timberlake, Psychologist and Director of the Nakaia Health and Wellness Center in Stow, came to my room Thursday night to be with Susanne and I. She said, "I know you've been doing a lot of prayer, meditation, and visualization. Tell me what you're trying to do and I'll see if I can't help tune it up a bit for you." I told her my vision of building the cocoon. She did some focusing exercises (tapping, EMDR, not sure what else) which was very helpful. SURGERY Friday morning dawned with no movement towards Pre-OP. About 8:30 I was advised that an emergency had come up and that I would be going later that day. Susanne and the various friends (Ruth Twaddell, Melodie Yates and Nik Tressler) who were staged to be with her during the surgery came to the room. Since Nik planned to be there for the duration we decided that I should adopt him as my brother so any "family only" situation would not be an issue. I thought that was a wonderful idea and am thrilled to now have an older brother. I finally headed into Pre-OP around 6 PM. I had seen Dr. Sloan earlier and requested an opportunity to speak to his team before they put me under. A little later I heard his telling me to go ahead. Here's what I said, "I just want to know that thousands of people around the world, of various faith traditions, are showering prayers into this room, onto this table, into your hands and judgement...

Thy name is my healing, O my God, and remembrance of Thee is my remedy. Nearness to Thee is my hope, and love for Thee is my companion. Thy mercy to me is my healing and my succor in both this world and the world to come. Thou, verily, art the All-Bountiful, the All-Knowing, the All-Wise.

For the last week, I have been in intensive prayer, meditation, and visualization building a cocoon around that tumor. I am prepared to join with you from the spiritual world as you enter my being from the physical...let's do it!" About 6 hours later they woke me up. I had an incredible sense of elation and exaltation. Of course I was also lalapalooza loopy from the anesthetic, etc. Susanne or Nik are welcome to provide any color commentary they care to. I was told later that it was quite extraordinary...the tumor apparently came out as single mass! I know that the steroids did a good job of bringing down the swelling. I would be very interested in learning if there is any medical research that would attribute some portion of the condition the tumor was found in to the steroids...or was that my doing? Real useful information will came in the pathology report ...particularly the precise characteristics of the sampled matter immediately adjacent to where the tumor was. We had the follow-up visit with Dr. Sloan on Wednesday August 8. He was apologetic that the pathology report was not yet ready and promised to call as soon as it is. I'm planning to call him tomorrow.

Preparation for the Hospital

Dr. Cummins than asked what he wanted me to do. I reached over to the dresser and picked up the business card of Dr Andrew Sloan, Neurosurgeon, University Hospital and read it off to him. I would like to be referred to this doctor. ASIDE: If it seems a bit odd to you that I would have such a card on my dresser it is because this is the doctor that had removed a baseball sized tumor from the front of my son, David's, brain in March. His symptoms manifested themself as seizures that began 6 hours after the birth of his son Aidan. Meanwhile my wife retrieved the negatives from the back of card and brought them upstairs. Didn't take much at all to spot the golf ball...it was real clear and right up near the surface. Here's the conclusions of the lab report. We paused for a moment and she held me in her arms. I cried a few tears and we went downstairs to our family room where we normally share our morning prayers. We said some prayers and I said something like "Sweetheart, it looks like I'm going to be out of the the house for some time. What do you need from me?" Those that are acquainted with Susanne and I will attest to the fact that we tend to get pretty intentional about getting things done and prioritizing. In short order, we had a short prioritized list. The primary item had to do with handling our personal and business finances, which has been my responsibility. We run a marriage education/relationship coaching business out of our home and Susanne writes wonderful books on preparation for marriage and marriage strengthening . We currently have inventory of 4 different books in our basement/distribution center with orders coming in from customers and distributors world-wide. I'd also been handling the shipping. Fortunately Susanne had been involved in enough of that she needed no training. We devoted several hours that night and the next morning to having me in the co-pilot seat as she navigated, and made notes, in various Quicken accounts and password protected websites to manage the finances, pay bills, etc . Susanne has a deep love for words and is not nearly as comfortable with unmbers. You see, I am so comfortable with numbers that I sometimes enjoy what I call Recreational Spreadsheeting. She picked it up very well although she does have a folder with transactions she wants me to verify. On Thursday, I also called my son: "Guess what son, I got one too." "One what?" "Brain tumor." "NO." "YES!!! Golf ball....up top!" "Your kiddin' me?" "Nope." It was a wonderful bonding moment that I will cherish forever. Call came from Dr Sloan's office mid-Friday AM "The doctor will be pleased to see you next Wednesday at 10 AM." I explained my current physical symptoms and asked if that could be moved up. She indicated that she would call me back. When she did so she said to head down the the ER to get admitted.

The Beginning

In February/March of this year I had 2 episodes of numbness in my right leg. Both times I had be sitting on toilet so I figured it was neural-muscular and began to see a chiropractor. He was able relieve the symptoms and put me on 6 month twice a week program. Intermittent numbness began to creep up my right torso, back of the neck and eye-brow (that really felt wierd) in May/June. Whenever my leg would be numb, I'd walk with a bit of a limp that I kind of just got used to. I reported new symptoms, to the chiroproactor, as they presented themselves and it was clear that he was getting concerned. I had a muscle spasm in my leg late June which subsided relatively quickly. Tuesday, July 17 I had spasming so bad it was difficult to walk. My wife was able to massage it enough that she could get me over to the chiropractor's first thing. As soon as I explained what was going on he said, "I can probably relieve that but you need to get your GP right away for an MRI of your brain and cervical spine." He fully relieved the spasms, I went home, made an appointment with my GP for that afternoon and, since I felt just fine, went to work. When I got to the doctor's, he examined me indicated that the chiropractor was correct. He asked that I call and make the MRI appointment, let them know what facility and they'd take care of the insurance. Wednesday July 18 I felt the same as I had for the last several months so went to work, made calls to the MRI place and the doctor's and was set for an MRI the next day at 9:30 AM. Thursday July 19 I woke up and could only walk using a cane, which fortunately had hanging the hall closet. Neither my wife or I know why. We went to the MRI place where I spent 2 hours in side the noisiest tunnel I'd ever encountered. We were through about noon, the tech handed me an envelop and said, "You're going to need these. You'll get a call real soon. It was about 2 hours later that I got the telephone call noted in the About Me.