The next preparation phase began during the week in March of 2007 with my son’s brain tumor diagnosis and removal. David came through the surgery nicely and was back to work as a waiter in a jazz club called Nighttown within about a month. The family was anxiously awaiting word of the pathology report so we would know if David had cancer or not. Over the next several weeks we were receiving contradictory sounding information, “I’m fine but I’ll start radiation and chemo in a bit.” Finally there was definitive word of an appointment with an oncologist, Dr. Einstein, on May 7. Anticipating better information after this appointment I called David and got the same kind of contradictory information. The next morning I placed a call to the doctor’s office leaving a voice mail for the secretary indicating “I know you can’t talk to me about this case due to the confidentiality requirements but do you have a form that I can ask my son to sign so that I can interact with the doctor?” Instead of calling me back they merely called David and told him his father called asking for information. You can imagine the fury with which he immediately called me. He refused to listen to my explanation of what I’d actually requested, told me that he was an adult could handle this himself and that I should just go away. I was devastated and began to struggle with mild depression. Other than one time later in May, I did not speak with him again until July 19. The last I saw his new baby was April 28. Shortly after this I was talking with my friend Nik about what happened. He suggested that I add the Long Healing Prayer specifically for David to my daily prayer time. I did so.
The next preparation phase came in late June. As the symptoms continued to gradually worsen I finally agreed with Susanne’s suggestion that I have a telephone consultation with a medical intuitive, Julie Walker. Susanne had experienced excellent results from earlier consultations with her, as had a number of our friends. I had resisted this choice because I felt it to be a bit of a stretch to be on the telephone with someone 500 miles away who would be diagnosing what was going on with me. The call was quite extraordinary however. She made some recommendations about the physical issues she perceived and then we got into talking about my worries and concerns about David. She offered the very loving guidance to just “Let him go and focus on praying for him and know that there would likely be opportunities in the future to reconnect with him. ” This helped to lift some of my despair.
The following week, Susanne and I flew to
As I look back, I can see that this whole sequence had me in a mental/spiritual condition to smoothly step on the spiritual Path when it presented itself on July 19.
2 comments:
Our marriage has in many ways been a spiritually transforming journey for both of us. We left marriages that were very painful to us and struggled in the transition to being single. We have worked through forgiveness, making amends, creating new lives. We gradually built a healthy spiritual connection after marriage in part by focusing on how character qualities/virtues could benefit us. Each morning since marrying, we have chosen to pray together and choose a quality to practice (honesty, enthusiasm, courage…). Over time, as requests to help youth prepare for marriage came to us, and as painful divorces happened around us among friends and family, we were called to develop materials to help marriage. The development of the Marriage Transformation Project has been a wonderful way of healing, contributing to others, and a spiritual journey for us. As we learn what helps others, we strengthen our own bond.
Craig has always been far more focused on action/service to others and interacting with others in a loving and respectful way than trying to have a mystical connection to God. I really heard his pain on pilgrimage though about wanting to feel that heart outreach. My understanding of tests and difficulties is that they are best viewed as vehicles for drawing us closer to God. It seems as if the tests of this year are helping to fulfill Craig’s yearning…
A close friend encouraged me to be kind to my self as I shared with her this week my exhaustion and struggles with Craig on steroids. I told her I was feeling like I was anything but spiritual as Craig stays up half the night reading spiritual books and it’s all I can do to read a chapter in a romance novel to unwind before trying to sleep!
At times in all of this process I have often felt unable to pray, not because of feeling disconnected from God, but just because of feeling overwhelmed and fatigued. At those moments I’ve done one of two things…either put the CD of Allen Tyrone Johnson’s musical version of the Long Healing Prayer on the CD player in the bedroom, or I’ve breathed a sigh of relief that the work of praying has been delegated to so many hundreds of people around the planet. They are being said by the Universal House of Justice in the Holy Land, in the Bahá’í House of Worship in Wilmette, Illinois, USA, in congregations of every faith, by family members, by new friends and long-time ones, by workshop attendees of every faith, and by total strangers who have simply reached out in love and support. We feel enormous gratitude and know that as “All true healing comes from God!”(‘Abdu’l-Bahá, Paris Talks, p. 19), Craig’s journey and amazing healing has been very spirit-guided.
A friend from Thailand sent me your blog. I live in Chicago. She sent your blog to me feeling that I have a connection to your story. To my surprise I do, it runs parallel to my walk in life right now. I know the Bahai Prayers are great writings and from that I created a CD call "Divine Prayers" that was recorded at the Bahai House of Worship in Wilmette. This CD is spoken so to learn and feel the depth of the words. I would like to gift you a CD. You can visit my website at: www.bahainorthshore.com and email me your information if you feel moved to. Allah'u'Abha Maggie
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