Started the day with the additional rehab therapy session that had been scheduled to attempt to complete the work on the right foot prior to the initiation of radiation.
The therapist made it clear that, while the front shin muscle is the most obvious problem, there is weakness in my entire right leg.
It was a good intense session with further instruction in exercises to be doing at home.
I went from rehab to the Yates’ home in Cleveland Heights, where a 4-day Bahá’í project to encourage the neighborhood to pray for its children and celebrate their return to school is underway. It was very inspiring working through some new materials and practicing skills in preparation for this community outreach to the neighborhood. The card that people will be offered and encouraged to use says:
“O Thou kind Lord! These lovely children are the handiwork of the fingers of Thy might and the wondrous signs of Thy greatness. O God! Protect these children, graciously assist them to be educated and enable them to render service to the world of humanity.”
Sacred Writings of the Bahá’í Faith
I stayed until 2:30 when Susanne picked me up for an appointment with Dr. Cummins, our GP.
Dr. Cummins gave me a checkup and looked at the scalp incision. He was somewhat concerned with the increasing infection and my mild fever, so he instructed me to increase the number of times I’m taking the antibiotic and took a culture sample that we delivered to the hospital for analysis.
Susanne and I decided to have a date night and went out to dinner. We talked about how we were feeling and the future. She asked me if there was anything that I felt impelled to be doing and I told her that, regardless of the outcome of what we had in front of us, my priorities would continue to be strengthening my relationship with her and our children and teaching the Bahá’í Faith. We did decide, however, that one of the long-time dreams we want to fulfill soon is a hot air balloon ride. (When we got home we found a card from my coworkers. They had taken up a collection, and the amount of money will come close to covering the cost for it.) I indicated that I was under no misconception that the coming treatments would necessarily be as easy to get through as the surgery turned out to be…it is very likely that I will experience symptoms such as severe fatigue or nausea, but I’m not getting overly concerned about that. I promised Susanne that if I was feeling sad or depressed or any other negative emotions that I would share them with her and not just deny them. One of the concerns she’s expressed about the fact-based spirit-guided path is that, from her perspective, it appears to be an avoidance of any emotions besides happiness.
When we got home, a couple of small events occurred that created friction between us. In each case Susanne saw that I was moving quickly and impulsively and told me so. In frustration I indicated that I was tired of being told to slow down because I felt that I had. In further discussion, Susanne patiently pointed out that, while I had slowed down from how I was on the steroids, I was still going faster (movement and speech sometimes) than before the surgery. This was a real shock to me…I very much want to be much more clear and deliberate in my new self and will be looking at this carefully over the coming days.
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The rest of the story…
On Thursday, I was reading the book “Healing with Whole Foods”, trying to prepare a grocery list of foods that would help Craig heal. At the end of reading about all the nutritional ways to treat various types of cancer, I had to humbly admit that I’m way over my head with trying to manage this effectively for him. This is way too complicated to do without help. We are going to need a nutritional counselor on board as part of our team. In the meantime, my friend Brenda Maxwell Zagrafov, MD, has recommended getting as much organic food into Craig as possible. So, my primary mission on this day was to fill our home with organic food. The closest grocery to us with a lot of organic food is Whole Foods, about 30 minutes away. So, it was a 3-hour odyssey with travel time, lots of label reading, and unpacking the bags. It was nice to have some time by myself away from the house though…and I bought some homeopathic stress relief remedies for myself!
It’s definitely easy to have one’s regular issues cause friction during high-stress times. Throughout our marriage, Craig’s biggest tests with me are my tendency to notice all the outcomes of a circumstance, particularly the bad things that can happen, as well as to be critical when things are less than the best they could be or approached in less than the most efficient manner. Part of what’s interesting about my tendency to notice the bad stuff is that it connects to my strong ability to analyze, which is also a useful skill. It also links back to a time in my life when I was full of anxiety 24-hours a day and I read Dale Carnegie’s book “How to Stop Worrying and Start Living”. His recommendation was to recognize and face the worse and then work to prevent it from happening! This became part of my ingrained functioning. And…it challenges my dear always optimistic, look-on-the-bright-side husband!
For me, my biggest challenge with Craig has been his tendency to always be in a hurry, whether it’s speech, movement, or needing to wait for someone/something. Sometimes I can practice what we coach other couples to do, which is to acknowledge Craig’s purposefulness and not criticize him for lacking patience! Other times, it’s more difficult to be that skillful. At times in the hospital when Craig was shuffling slowly along, I regretted all the times I had ever asked him or told him to slow down. I even thought that I’d celebrate if he started hurrying up again! When I get concerned about his safety though, it’s almost impossible for me to stay quiet. And when I see people frustrated at asking him to repeat himself because he’s speaking so fast, I think about how that impacts relationships and makes communication less smooth.
So, as we know, personal growth and marital growth is a lifetime process…and we are in process right along with every other couple on the planet!
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