As we were preparing to leave I was very clear that I wanted 2 things with me. A picture of my 2 grandchildren...4 month old Aidan Xavier Farnsworth and 3 year old Karida Renee Tashakor and a pretty little poster called Three Tools of Healing. We've had the poster around for many years, have given away untold number of copies. I was clearly being guided to bring it so I did. Susanne took care of a couple books, underwear, etc and we headed out the door.
Shortly after we left home, Susanne's cell phone rang. It was my friend Dan Clark that, among other wonderful things is a Qigong energy healer. He was calling to report on energy healing that he did on me from his home the previous night. I didn't follow half of what we was saying but it felt wonderful.
We arrived at the University Hospital Case Medical Center ER and they loaded me into a wheelchair. In the waiting room I tried to operate the wheelchair but my right arm was so weak all I could do was go around in circles so I gave that up as a bad idea. I eventually made it through the ER processing to a room in the Neuro-Science ward.
I asked Susanne to tape the picture and 3 Tools on the wall at the foot of my bed. I then laid back, mentally sent the grandkids assurance that I would be OK, and turned to the 3 Tools.
MEDICAL TREATMENT
I figured I already had that well delegated as I had just been admitted to one of the leading medical Neuro-Science facilities in the country, if not the world. Dr. Sloan first visited me at 2 AM Saturday morning, after his last surgery (this is a apparently not unusual) and explained that they had 3 hypotheses and that a CAT Scan had been ordered to verify or disprove one of the hypotheses...that the tumor originated somewhere else in my body. The results of that came back nagative, which was HUGE good new!! They very quickly put me on a high dosage (40 mg daily) of the Steroid Dexamethasoin to get the swelling down and reduce some of the symptoms. Over the next several days the symptoms rapidly deteriorated. There was a point where I had difficulty walking because arm was barely able to support my weight in the walker. The Steroids brought the symptoms down by about Wednesday...that was a relief. I had a FAST MRI on Wednesday, which meant they had me do specific things so they could see exactly where those functions were tied into my brain...amazing. Surgery was scheduled for 8 AM Friday. One further regular MRI with marker horns on my head was done Thursday.
JOY AND LAUGHTER
I had a calm inner sense that I should maintain my focus on the facts of what I knew (golfball sized tumor that was swelling in a location in my brain that was consistent with all the symptoms I was experiencing) and NOT getting into speculating or worrying. From that place I was able to consider Joy and Laughter as a possibility. Seemed like having some help with that might be a good idea so I asked Susanne to put out the word to everyone we knew telling them:
- The facts of what was going on with me with no speculation about what was coming.
- I needed their help...prayers, visits, phone calls.
She promised to do that as soon as she got home.
From Saturday July 21 through Thursday July 26 I got what I requested...big time...and it was truly wonderful. Thank you to all who participated. I lost track of who called and visited there were so many. Nurses must have thought I was nuts with all the activity. I felt surrounded by love..my spirit was uplifted. I think it touched others hearts too...got a call late one night from a dear friend who is the crusty outside/heart of gold type.
He said to me "Sorry I didn't call sooner, Craig, but I'm not real good at this sympathy and condolence stuff."
I said "I don't need that stuff!!! I need your good wishes, your prayers, and foryou to be happy! Can you get on board with that???" Shifted the conversation real quick.
PRAYER
Almost all the rest of my time was spent in very quiet, very peaceful prayer, meditation, and visualization. I don't know if I actually really slept at all during the entire week. The line between the deep relaxation state I found myself in and sleep is probably pretty subtle. "The impulse to prayer is a natural one, springing from man's love to God." The meditation I was doing would likely be considered to be of the simple "Mindfulness" form. The visualization was creating a cocoon around the tumor so that the doctors could remove it in one piece.
With the surgery scheduled for Friday morning, my dear dear friend Dr.
Thy name is my healing, O my God, and remembrance of Thee is my remedy. Nearness to Thee is my hope, and love for Thee is my companion. Thy mercy to me is my healing and my succor in both this world and the world to come. Thou, verily, art the All-Bountiful, the All-Knowing, the All-Wise.
For the last week, I have been in intensive prayer, meditation, and visualization building a cocoon around that tumor. I am prepared to join with you from the spiritual world as you enter my being from the physical...let's do it!" About 6 hours later they woke me up. I had an incredible sense of elation and exaltation. Of course I was also lalapalooza loopy from the anesthetic, etc. Susanne or Nik are welcome to provide any color commentary they care to. I was told later that it was quite extraordinary...the tumor apparently came out as single mass! I know that the steroids did a good job of bringing down the swelling. I would be very interested in learning if there is any medical research that would attribute some portion of the condition the tumor was found in to the steroids...or was that my doing? Real useful information will came in the pathology report ...particularly the precise characteristics of the sampled matter immediately adjacent to where the tumor was. We had the follow-up visit with Dr. Sloan on Wednesday August 8. He was apologetic that the pathology report was not yet ready and promised to call as soon as it is. I'm planning to call him tomorrow.
2 comments:
Craig-
good morning, and thanks for the tremendous blog. you are a true inspiration!
we will continue the prayers, and look forward to more good news from the blog!
The rest of the story...
My world was feeling totally upended. Instead of praying together over tea on our backyard porch in the mornings it was over the phone between home and the hospital. Meals were in the hospital cafeteria or on trays in Craig’s room instead of prepared in our kitchen. Naps were snatched on hospital couches.
I would visit Craig at the hospital who was spiritually and physically high and in “everything is wonderful” space, while I was watching him get worse every day. Test results were slow. Some had technical problems and had to be redone. Each day we thought the surgery would happen, and each day it got postponed. Each day we wore our “I Love My Husband” and “I Love My Wife” buttons.
I’d spend hours at the hospital and then go home exhausted to spend hours trying to email hundreds of people to ask for prayers or give updates. Any other emails piled up in my inbox. I had to check Craig’s email as well as my own. I had to go to the bank and explain that my husband had a brain tumor and would they please reverse some of the bounced check fees from the last few weeks when he had obviously been deteriorating without our knowing. I changed our CD to payable on death to daughter Leah because the money was savings for her to get a car. I had to find where our business bank was…I’d never been in it. I went into the post office and asked that our business mail simply be forwarded to the house for a few weeks. I worked with Craig’s company and our doctor to get all the paperwork completed for his medical leave from the office. I hired someone to mow the lawn. All the managing of our life’s details and errands, which Craig usually handled, were in my lap. I’ve been dogged with occasionally migraines in this as I’ve been pulled so many directions…
In the visualization with Holly, we told Craig he had to seal every crack and crevice in the capsule around his tumor with SuperGlue…no using duct tape, which he loves to use in repair projects! Holly’s role before surgery was also to help Craig verbalize (and me quietly to myself) to recognize and release whatever fears were present. Craig’s concern was whether they would get it all out. She helped him set aside fears about chemo and radiation as possibilities afterward and focus on the surgery. I identified my biggest concern internally (we were at a teaching hospital) that a resident would have a learning mistake on Craig’s brain. You can, therefore, imagine how terribly disconcerting and upsetting it was to watch Craig wheeled off to the OR from pre-op and then go to the cafeteria and see the surgeon eating chili while a resident did the initial opening of Craig’s skull!! I sat down with him and he promised me he’d be in the OR for the tumor removal!
The surgery had been scheduled for approx. 8 a.m. Craig and I had prayed together the night before and agreed I would come about 8:30 and our friend Ruth would join me shortly after. When I arrived, they told me the surgery was postponed and someone else was in the OR. After a week in the hospital after repeated delays, this was too much. I was so upset I got angry at the clerk (and went back later with an apology!). So, Ruth got to visit with Craig and she and I had a lovely visit before she had to leave. Then Nik came and he got to visit with Craig.
Preop finally came at 4:30 p.m. They let me stay with Craig. I hid my face for all the needles and IV’s, but it was a lovely time as well of holding hands and praying.
Melodie joined Nik and I for dinner and we got the news at 9:40 p.m. that the tumor was out successfully. Melodie went home and Nik and I became the only people in the waiting area. The receptionist went home at 8:30 p.m. and we were dependent upon running to answer a phone in the hallway for news. After no news, at midnight, since I knew where post-op was, I ignored the “Medical Personnel Only” sign and went looking for someone. The anesthesiology resident was there and confirmed the surgery went amazingly well and he was just arriving in post-op. At 1 a.m. Nik and I were totally exhausted, so I walked back to see if we could see Craig briefly and go home instead of waiting until he was in his room at 4 a.m.
Our arrival instead was timely. Craig was so wound up with excitement about being alive and getting the tumor out that his blood pressure was zinging all over the place and very high. The nurse needed our help to calm him down. Nik went to one side and me to the other. We prayed, sung, got him breathing more slowly, wrote notes when he went on and on about whatever was on his mind so he could let go of it, and reminded him that his sole responsibility right then was to breathe and lower his blood pressure. It was very hard to stay calm when I could see the monitor with the numbers. The nurse gave him a shot for the blood pressure, and left us to do the rest of the calming.
Craig had been fasting for over 24 hours at that point, so he kept trying to eat the plastic water swabs the nurse put in his mouth. Craig loves spreadsheets and kept insisting that the nurse create him one with all his blood pressure results. There were moments when Nik and I were having trouble not just bursting into laughter. Nik kept trying to do Reiki on Craig, but Craig’s energy was very bizarre! Finally at 3 a.m. he was calmed down so we could head out and they could ready him for transfer to the Intensive Care Unit. I called his daughter Michelle with an update and she talked to me all through the 25-minute drive home so I would stay awake and safe.
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