The Time of Waiting – June 23, 2009

Sunday was Father’s Day, and Craig was delighted to hear from all his children and his eldest niece. He felt a bit more energetic, sitting up on the side of the bed for two meals. The night then was difficult, with lots of congestion, coughing, and breathing difficulties. This meant little sleep for both of us. Yesterday he was very quiet, sleepy, and minimally responsive. We raised the steroid level yet again, hoping to keep ahead of the tumor growth and swelling.

Hospice and the oncologist evaluated his situation with us yesterday. The vital signs are still about the same, but his lungs are definitely in worse shape. We started a new drug last night to clear out some of the phlegm, so he slept better. Our friend Holly Timberlake also spent the night and took the lead caregiver role, so I slept upstairs in my bed with the door closed and got caught up on sleep a bit. Blessing!

We had study circle here yesterday evening, although Craig wasn’t up to having some of it in his room. The participants still visited him and perked up his spirits though. Our friend Nik also came in during the evening, so he, Holly, and I surrounded Craig’s bed with prayer and love.

I’ve thought a lot lately about the passage below written by Marjorie Morten about Bahíyyih Khánum (daughter of Bahá’u’lláh) and its applicability to and lessons for Craig and I at this time:

“The word mazlúm, which signifies acceptance without complaint, has come to be associated with her name. She was never known to complain or lament. It was not that she made the best of things, but that she found in everything, even in calamity itself, the germs of enduring wisdom. She did not resist the shocks and upheavals of life and she did not run counter to obstacles. She was never impatient. She was as incapable of impatience as she was of revolt. But this was not so much long sufferance as it was quiet awareness of the forces that operate in the hours of waiting and inactivity.

“Always she moved with the larger rhythm, the wider sweep, toward the ultimate goal. Surely, confidently, she followed the circle of her orbit round the Sun of her existence, in that complete acquiescence, that perfect accord, which underlies faith itself.

“So she was in life. And when she came to die her failing faculties threw into sharper and more intense relief the nature of her heart and spirit. It was as if she first let slip away the mechanical devices of the mind and the transient sense perceptions while holding fast to the end the essential elements of her being, unclouded by extremity of bodily weakness and pain. Still her smile spoke strength, serenity, tenderness and the love that is both recognition and bestowal.” (The Bahá’í World, 1932-1934, Page 181-185)

Love,

Susanne