Why am I writing this blog?

Euclid (Cleveland), Ohio, United States
Here I share the amazing spiritual journey I began on July 19, 2007. I received the diagnosis of a golf-ball-sized tumor on top of the left parietal lobe (motor functions) of my brain. I had severe symptoms all up and down the right side of my body and had received an MRI scan of my brain. In August 2007, I learned that my diagnosis was a Glioblastoma Multiforme (GBM). This is a common form of fast-growing brain cancer with a challenging prognosis. That's the external story about that moment in time. In the spiritual world I found (actually more like it found me) what I came to call the Fact-Based Spirit-Guided Path, and I began an amazing journey. After October of 2008, I lost the use of my right arm, and in early 2009, my cognitive abilities were struggling, and treatment options ended. My wife, Susanne, then began doing most of the blog postings, with my review and input whenever possible. I continued to apply the Fact-Based Spirit-Guided Path as the adventure continued. My soul then flew to the Kingdom of God on July 1, 2009. Thanks for your interest in my journey. Craig

Susanne's Perspective

During this entire journey, my wife, Susanne, had an entirely different kind of experience. Initially she added comments to some of my posts describing her experience of the moments I discussed and offerred perspectives on our relationship. In the latter stage of this journey, she is writing the blog, as I am no longer able to do so. I am truly delighted that she is doing so. Susanne and I work together as marriage educators/relationship coaches and she has written many books on preparing for and strengthening marriages so you can count on her comments to be insightful and poignant.

Tuesday, August 14, 2007

Spiritual Side of Rehab

I was discharged Tuesday from University Hospital and transported by ambulance to the Cleveland Clinic’s Euclid Hospital In-Patient Rehabilitation Center. We had requested Euclid because we live in Euclid, so it was closer for Susanne and friends, and the facility has an excellent reputation. It is also located right on the shore of Lake Erie, and I was so hopeful to have a room with a view of the lake…some of them don’t. I was elated to be wheeled into a room with a full open view of the lake looking westward. It was late in the day, so the sun was streaming in through the window. I asked Susanne for my sunglasses and just basked in the sun.

I arose about dawn each morning, sitting by the window watching day break. It was particularly entrancing to see the first rays of sunlight reflecting off the bellies of the circling birds. Whenever possible, I went outdoors to the beautiful Healing Garden paths in my wheelchair, and later with a walker and then cane. Susanne and I prayed on the phone most mornings before breakfast.

At rehab, I felt very serene and mellow, and I really began contemplating about what had happened over the previous 10 days. Clearly I had not endured the normal preparation for surgery and then surgery. This contemplation kept coming back to the moment on July 19 when the doctor called with the news about the tumor. What I came to realize was that at that moment a path presented itself at my feet that I stepped onto. The first step came with receiving the FACTS about my condition…the second step was SPIRIT telling me “Cling to it…cling to the facts. They are your solace, your source of strength and serenity. Do not go into anxiety, worry, or speculation. That will do you no good!! Cling to the facts.” Thus the Fact-Based Spirit-Guided Path came into my life, and I am so so, so glad that it did. It has truly transformed every aspect of my being and views--mental, emotional, spiritual and physical.

I had Susanne bring me my work laptop, but it was too soon to be keyboarding. Susanne knew that I was doing a lot processing of my experiences by talking to myself so, at the suggestion of one of my managers at work, she brought me a small tape recorder so that I could record and then listen to my thoughts. It was wonderful and helpful. I very quickly developed a wonderful dramatic presentation about my experienes and what it resulted in, called “The Three Tools for Healing”. I have the promotional flyer all ready to go, and when the time is right, Susanne and I will talk through how to incorporate this new passion of mine into our already full lives. This is a story that I just can’t keep inside. It is so wonderful, after all my life feeling awkward with keeping conversations going to have such volumes to share.

I’m continuing to develop additional areas of new interest grounded in the Fact-Based Spirit-Guided Path:

  • Insights for patients and visitors to patients.
  • Skills training sessions so that people can use a Fact-Based Spirit-Guided approach in their lives and avoid the depressing anxiety and worry.
  • Ramifications of this process for marriages and relationships.

I’m sure the list will continue to grow but for right now, I’m content to allow “The Three Tools for Healing” presentation to come to fruition…it will touch many hearts, I’m sure, and I will leave the future plans in the Hands of God.

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2 comments:

Anne said...

Hi Craig,
Thank you for your wonderful insights. You are amazing, even in this time of difficulty you are reaching out to find a way to help others. May you feel comforted, protected, healed, and blessed. Sending prayers your way,
Anne
Whitehall, Pennsylvania

August 14, 2007 at 7:07 PM
Anonymous said...

The rest of the story…

It’s been interesting, inspirational, confusing, and challenging watching Craig go through so many changes during this process. It’s frequently been difficult (and remains so at times) to determine what is spiritual, what is drugs, what is response to major surgery, what is real, and what is not. Often he has said to people that he’s wonderful, great, and in better shape mentally, emotionally, spiritually, and physically than he’s ever been in his life. At times this has felt like wise and positive visioning. At other times as I hold his test results or watch him walk with brace and cane it feels strangely out of sync.

Craig has clearly done a shift to the creative right side of his brain. We theorize that it’s a combination of the left brain surgery, the enhancement of the steroids, and the amount of prayer and inspiration occurring. And perhaps it’s simply a gift from God! All this blog writing that is occurring fits in this category of new behavior. Craig has never been much of a writer…while I have been. On days when he’s been popping creatively and I’ve been too exhausted to write a word, it’s been a struggle for me with detachment and trying not to feel resentful. I had such a creative Spring, and the last weeks have felt like a derailment. And…I always wished to have him as a true coauthor.

Sometimes his plans for a “new life” seemed to exclude our old life or to be unwise. Even though he told me he loved me every day, I still wondered whether I would be part of his new life.

Sometimes Craig’s focus on just the facts and his need to be surrounded with only the positive has made it impossible to have straightforward conversations. Initially “facts” to him meant that “feelings” had no place in the equation. As I dealt with a roller coaster of emotions, I turned to friends to work them through instead. After years of being able to share anything with Craig, I ended up feeling like I’d lost my best friend. Retrieving that relationship is now an up and down process.

Craig is enthusiastic about being a transformed person and having a newly created future. I’m still living one day at a time. I’m glad his vision is a happy one for him. I’m just not sure yet where he/we are going with it.

August 16, 2007 at 5:24 AM

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