Susanne and I had been waiting until the steroid intake was down to zero in order to have some deep consultation about some of the issues that have come up for her/us around my experience.
We recently learned a new listening skill from
Hedy Schleiffer that powerfully engages what she calls the relational space that exists between a couple and has the listener come into the speaker’s world in order to
fully listen, engage, and learn.
We decided to use this technique, and it worked very well.
Significant progress was made on a number of issues that I will keep private.
I was talking with Jef McDonough, who is a very accomplished musician, over breakfast Sunday about my desire to get a better grounding in music theory to enhance both my guitar and flute playing. He offered to come by today to provide me with a lesson. We had an excellent session and ended up doing some jazz duets (he on guitar and me on the flute). We invited him to stay for a delicious dinner and had a marvelous further conversation.
2 comments:
The rest of the story…
I’ve noticed that I need to keep my emotional responses to what is happening “cleaned up” and not just rattling around in my brain making me nuts. Initially I needed to do it with friends, as Craig couldn’t walk me through stuff. With him off the steroids, he’s back being more of a friend and partner for me…a blessing. Here are some of the things I shared with him.
The stability of our lives and marriage has been shaken up over these weeks. Craig has been my solid and reliable rock for the past 8 years. My husband is now different and will continue to change, both in his personal development and from the effects of any ongoing treatment that occurs. And there’s the big one…what if he dies? I’m experiencing some uncertainty about trusting him to be there for me. That’s scary. I’m also scared about being strong enough to handle this test without sinking repeatedly into fear, anger, and anxiety. I’m really wondering, how do I stay positive?
In observing my own response to Craig’s hospitalization and everything that has accompanied it, I’ve not felt that I was connecting enough with the best spiritual behavior. This morning I took a book about the example of ‘Abdu’l-Bahá, a key figure in the Bahá’í Faith. His guidance in the face of tests is to look at them as a gift from God, be radiantly acquiescent, and not slip into dull resignation. He encourages spiritual happiness instead of despondency or anxiety about what occurs in this world. That’s all very difficult to live up to and accomplish! So, I’ve been feeling somewhat of a failure at it. Although I think Craig has been doing pretty well at it . And I can hear my friends and family saying to give myself a break!
I’m used to nurturing my introvert side with lots of quiet, alone time. With time at the hospital, then Craig home, the many calls and visitors, and being Craig’s driver, I’m on emotional overload. We are trying to create at least occasional alone time for me by Craig taking the hospital shuttle to go to physical therapy. And, I am beginning to wonder what I need to do to recharge my batteries… I notice that at times I’m in the mode of feeling like I have to meet Craig’s needs no matter what the impact is on me. That feels somewhat like a dysfunctional pattern from my past, so Craig and I will have to continuously look at how we both stay balanced.
I keep wondering to what extent I’m honestly facing what is occurring, and to what extent I’m running around in denial. Life was going along pretty well in many ways…I’m still feeling somewhat bewildered at all the changes.
I've come to think that denial serves a purpose. And, although we don't want to stay there for too long, I think denial buys us some time to absorb, on a subconcious level, things that are too overwhelming to be direct about right away.
Bless you both. You are constantly in my thoughts and prayers.
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