Why am I writing this blog?

Euclid (Cleveland), Ohio, United States
Here I share the amazing spiritual journey I began on July 19, 2007. I received the diagnosis of a golf-ball-sized tumor on top of the left parietal lobe (motor functions) of my brain. I had severe symptoms all up and down the right side of my body and had received an MRI scan of my brain. In August 2007, I learned that my diagnosis was a Glioblastoma Multiforme (GBM). This is a common form of fast-growing brain cancer with a challenging prognosis. That's the external story about that moment in time. In the spiritual world I found (actually more like it found me) what I came to call the Fact-Based Spirit-Guided Path, and I began an amazing journey. After October of 2008, I lost the use of my right arm, and in early 2009, my cognitive abilities were struggling, and treatment options ended. My wife, Susanne, then began doing most of the blog postings, with my review and input whenever possible. I continued to apply the Fact-Based Spirit-Guided Path as the adventure continued. My soul then flew to the Kingdom of God on July 1, 2009. Thanks for your interest in my journey. Craig

Susanne's Perspective

During this entire journey, my wife, Susanne, had an entirely different kind of experience. Initially she added comments to some of my posts describing her experience of the moments I discussed and offerred perspectives on our relationship. In the latter stage of this journey, she is writing the blog, as I am no longer able to do so. I am truly delighted that she is doing so. Susanne and I work together as marriage educators/relationship coaches and she has written many books on preparing for and strengthening marriages so you can count on her comments to be insightful and poignant.

Tuesday, June 30, 2009

Update on Craig – June 30, 2009

We had no power for about 3 hours this morning after a severe thunderstorm, and no Internet for another 3 hours or so after that, so I’m just now able to be in communication. Gratefully, our next-door neighbor Frank Rodgers is a whiz on sorting out technical issues and helped to get our wireless network back up and running.

This morning was a repeat of yesterday morning – at 4 a.m. the end-of-life symptoms kicked in and we thought that was it. However, although his blood pressure is running approx. 60/40, his heart rate is staying up around 130 beats/minute to compensate. Until his heart rate drops, he is sustaining life. Craig’s eyes are still staying open continuously, fever of 102, and mild seizure activity. He is still doing some communicating with us with his eyes and eyebrows. We stopped the morphine last evening when Craig began to seriously resist the doses. He does not appear to be in pain any more, and we have not needed to resume them.

Leah, Michelle, Holly, and I did the nighttime and morning shifts and managed to get some sleep each. Last night we left Craig in fairly peaceful state, doing little to disturb him. Today we have done some praying and singing at his bedside, alternating with peaceful periods.

We are reflecting on the way this process is similar to baby birthing – predicting timing, pain, and moments of uncertainty are all parallels.

We have also been learning from our hospice team and each other about how to interact respectfully with Craig, telling him before we touch him what we are going to do and asking for his “yes” or “no” via eyebrow movement if there are choices. When someone comes to visit who has not seen Craig one-on-one, or when it’s clear that I need one-on-one time with Craig, there is a natural flow out of the room to give the space and time needed.

I’m noticing that at times I’m trying to say reassuring things to Craig, like it’s okay to close his eyes and assuring him that he’ll be fine and the angels are with him. Then I pause and realize that he is far more in tune with these things than I am!

Love,

Susanne p.s. Someone commented that it must be difficult to do these postings at this time. Actually as a writer, it is helping me to process and accept the experience, and we are so grateful that it has helped us create a community that is praying for us and supporting us. Craig and I are also deeply committed to contributing to others, and we feel that this communication is fulfilling that commitment.

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2 comments:

Vicki Carl said...

Dearest Susanne and Craig,

Bless you for this blog. It is such a service to us all, and a deep personal help to me to feel so connected to this process.

With love beyond words,
Vicki

June 30, 2009 at 2:45 PM
Mara Noelle said...

So many people don't have any beautiful memories to hold onto from when their loved one was dying. We are so blessed to have anything positive to remember from this time. My emotions are so mixed right now. It is so, so sad that Craig is dying, but I'm so happy for you all that you are experiencing it in the best way possible (in my opinion). My prayers and thoughts are with you throughout each day.

July 1, 2009 at 4:11 AM

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